8 Mistakes To Avoid When Living With Your Boyfriend For The First Time

April 28, 2016  |  
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Living with a partner is a very big step. If you’re lucky, you’ll only live with one partner ever because there’s nothing worse than breaking up with somebody you live with. But, most of us are not that lucky and live with a couple of partners before finding that final one. We might deal with the wretched and awkward time period of sleeping on the couch for a few days before the moving trucks arrive, and crashing at a friend’s place (or moving back in with our parents) until we find a new place, and dealing with apartment hunting all over again. But, we do gain one thing: a little experience on what to do and what not to do when living with somebody. This gives us a better chance at getting it right, when the right person comes along. Here are eight mistakes to avoid when living with your boyfriend for the first time.

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Shutterstock

Letting your work bleed into your home life

When you lived separately from your partner, you would make sure to have all of your work and responsibilities finished before seeing your partner. You had to because you were either going to his place where you had no access to things you needed, or he was coming to your place, and you needed to entertain him. When you live together, you might procrastinate on work, and leave no time to socialize with your partner.

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Shutterstock

How to fix it

It doesn’t sound fun, but you may have to become strict about getting up a little earlier and making sure all of your “real life” stuff is done at a reasonable hour. If you don’t, you’ll always be with your partner, but you won’t really be with him. You’ll be two passing ships in the night.

Corbis

Corbis

Letting the sleep stuff bother you

When you live with somebody else, his sleep schedule pretty much dictates yours. You can’t fall asleep until he’s come to bed, and you wake up to his alarm, whether or not you needed to get up at that time. This can lead you to become pretty cranky. It may even lead you to sleep on the couch or in the extra bedroom. But it’s a dead end argument.

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Shuterstock

How to fix it

There are obviously practical things you can do like buy the best ear plugs, and try to adjust your schedule to your partner’s. But beyond that, you just have to remember one very true thing: if you really love this person, you’d rather lose an hour of sleep here and there than not have him in your life at all. You’ll see. When he goes on a trip for a long time, you won’t cherish the extra sleep. You’ll miss him!

Corbis

Corbis

Failing to make plans

When you didn’t live with your partner, you had to make a plan if you were going to see each other. Whether it was something elaborate like kayaking and wine tasting, or something simple like takeout and a movie, you made plans. Now, you might count too much on the fact that you’ll always see each other that you forget actually to make plans.

black people do hike

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How to fix it

Get friends involved. If you only planned something for you and your man, you’ll be tempted to say, “Screw it. Let’s just stay home.” But if you made plans to meet up with another couple, you’ll be obligated to go, and you’ll be glad you did.

Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Letting the little things get to you

There will be so many little things. He’ll eat food in the bed. He’ll light incense that smells weird. He’ll play music you don’t like when he’s getting ready in the morning. He’ll leave half-drank bottles of soda in the fridge for weeks. And you won’t like it. Saying something about it could mean no more half drank soda, but it could also mean messing up your relationship dynamics, to where your partner feels he’s walking on eggshells.

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Shutterstock

How to fix it

This one is all about mindset, similar to the sleep issue. Just ask yourself, “Would I rather have an apartment totally incense-free, but that was also boyfriend-free, or have my partner? And just put up with the little things? Your answer will stop you from getting angry about the shower music.

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Shutterstock

Having separate rooms

If you do have two bedrooms, you might be tempted just to have your own rooms. You can put all of your furniture, photos, and belongings in one, and he can put all of his stuff in the other. You’ll even sleep in separate rooms. Nobody argues about piles of clothes on the floor or loud snoring. That’s a good thing, right? Wrong. You’ll quickly feel like emotionally distant roommates.

Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

How to fix it

Mix up your stuff with his stuff all over the apartment. Make this place a balanced fusion of yours and his—not a place split in half. Be willing to work through the awkwardness of choosing whose couch stays or goes, or whose bed stays or goes. It’s a part of living together. If you wanted to live separately, you shouldn’t have moved in together.

Black couple money/finance/budget

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Tracking every penny

You’re going to put one utility on your credit card, and he’ll put one on his. You’ll buy groceries some weeks, and other weeks he’ll buy them. You have to split the costs, or one of you would go broke. But don’t fuss over a few dollars. Don’t sit down with a calculator to make sure each person is paying the same thing down to a penny. You’ll feel like finance partners instead of romantic ones.

Black couple money/budget/finances

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How to fix it

Here’s a reality check: you moved in with this person because you hope to spend the rest of your life with him! That means that at one point, there will be no shared finances. You’ll share a bank account. None of this will matter then.

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Shutterstock

Giving up your routine

It’s easy to give up some of your private routines once you move in with a guy. Maybe you stop going to the gym as much or stop spending two hours reading every Sunday. You get caught up in hanging with your partner, that you give up on your personal time. But personal time is important.

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Shutterstock

How to fix it

Treat activities like the gym or reading the newspaper as real obligations. If your partner says you two need to rearrange the CD rack on Sunday, just say, “Okay but from noon to two I’m going hiking so it will have to be before or after.” Don’t let the home obligations slowly steal your precious alone time. Work around them.

Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

Having too much stuff

If you’re like a lot of women, then you love to shop! Even if you don’t love to shop, you still have way more clothes than any man does. You know it’s true. Your partner probably has seven bottoms. You probably have twenty. Your partner has one pair of shoe for every possible occasion. You have four for every occasion. But you’re about to live together, and it’s not fair for your stuff to take up all of the room.

black woman in her closet.pf

How to fix it

Moving in with a partner is the perfect time to do a closet cleanse. And a cabinet cleanse. And an under-the-bed cleanse. As you go through your fifteen clubbing dresses and 30 bathing suits, ask yourself, “Would I rather have this or have peace in my new home?”

 

 

 

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