Should Women Approach Men?

June 24, 2010  |  

He’s there again–sitting at the same spot at your favorite neighborhood bar. Just look at him. Sitting there all fine and handsome, with NO wedding ring. He’s looked in your direction, maybe even stared at one point but nothing’s a-go. At a certain point every woman has had to ask herself: should I approach or not?

The jury is still (and will always be) out about women approaching men. While some men love not having to deal with the hassle of making up an inventive line, others like the hunt and get completely turned off by aggressive women. One thing that can always be agreed upon is that desperate is never, ever Hot.

“Assertiveness can leave a man feeling like he’s less in charge of his life than he’d like to be,” said David Zinczenko, Yahoo! Health’s Expert for Relationships. “Men tend to leave a lot of the life details–from social planning to family planning–to the women in their lives. So when a woman has all the power, and she asserts her new role as boss in many realms, it can leave men feeling a little, well, little.”

Zinczenko admits that men are already trying to grapple with the increasingly financially independent, sexually liberated and determined-to-not-go-baron-before-kids wave of women. Although being aggressive initially is attractive to many men, continuing that aggressiveness throughout the relationship is not good.

“While 92 percent of men say they want to marry, that doesn’t always happen. Why? For one reason, men sometimes feel like, if the relationship is a car trip, they’ve been kicked out of the driver’s seat and thrown in the trunk. Most guys want to have a say in the speed and direction the relationship is going, and the minute they sense that women are grabbing the wheel–as opposed to sharing the driving responsibility–then they feel lost.”

Lesson to take away: Keep your cool at all times with men. Feel free to approach if he doesn’t first, but always be confidently prepared for rejection. If he responds positively, don’t push anything on him. While we all love love, it’s about pacing yourself and getting to know each other through the pursuit.

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