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This week’s column should probably ask, “Is this sh-tty?”

But seriously, what is a gal to do when the man she loves is turning her completely off by failing to adequately wipe his butt? That’s what one woman was trying to figure out when I scrolled through her plea for advice on TheShadeRoom’s Instagram page last night. I was quite taken aback by it. While I’ve dealt with a man with bad breath and an occasionally smelly boo thang, neither of those men ever left skid marks in their underwear, or on the sheets we slept on at night. That’s just unacceptable. But it’s this woman’s reality:

But before you go in, I think you should know that this problem is more prevalent than you may even realize.

I typed in “skid marks husband” in Google in the early hours of the morning, and when I tell you there were quite a few stories that popped up about men with poor wiping habits, I’m not kidding. For instance, there was one woman who said she had been living with her soon-to-be husband for nine months and recently noticed that not only is he leaving a sh-tty smell all over the house, but he’s leaving skid marks everywhere too:

I get the sense that he’s not very thorough with toilet paper in the bathroom and it makes his ass stink. He usually goes a couple of days without showering which would not be a big deal except for this issue. At times when we’re sitting on the couch and he gets up, I smell something that is very unpleasant. Sometimes I can smell it on the couch cushions when he’s not even home. I do his laundry and the stains in his underwear are beyond what I would think are normal “skid marks” and I’ve seen the same on his bathrobe. I brought it up several months ago, after I noticed his bathrobe the first time, and I mentioned that I sometimes smell something that I can’t identify and wondered if it was related to the bathrobe stains. He didn’t say much but said he would “work on it.” At this point I was thinking about buying those moist wipes made for bathroom use and just put them in the bathroom where he’ll see them. I just don’t know how to say to him that I think he doesn’t know how to wipe his own a–.

And then there’s the lady who has been married to her husband for three years. After spending two of those years cleaning his filthy underwear, she can’t take it anymore:

…for about 2 of the 3 years of being married it seems like once a week during laundry i stumble across a pair of his underwear that has poop stains. at first i was nice and didn’t really mention it but went out was a supportive wife and bought adult wet wipes to help him better in the bathroom. This of course did not help! I finally approached him about it but was a little hateful about it and know that had to of embarassed him.. for a while it worked i didn’t find the skidmarks anymore… Today when I was gathering up the dirty laundry it happened again.. luckily he is at work and i had a chance to scream about it in disgust and pace for a while to figure out how I can get this situation under control.. what can i do, what can i say to help him or atleast make him be a little more aware of this problem and keeping it under control.

And how could I forget the one man who was so bad at wiping his dirty bottom that it was leaving him with “anal itch“?

How do I tell my husband he needs to wipe and clean his a– better?

He gets poo stains on his bath towel daily. His boxers always have massive skid marks. His trousers smell of poo, and he even regularly smells of poo. Sometimes when he smells, I suggest he should take a shower, saying that he smells sweaty or something like that because I don’t know how to tell him he smells of sh*t. I have commented on the stains on his towel, which he puts down to “vigorous wiping” — but I see it as improper washing.

I am tired of doing his laundry because of the poo and I refuse to share towels under any circumstances. He suffers from anal itching and doesn’t seem to realize that it could be because of his dirty bum. Help! What can I tell him?

I’ll tell you what she should tell him. In fact, I’ll tell you what I would tell all of them: No more Mrs. Nice Wife. And I get that not everyone is taught the right ways to wipe, and in some cases, how thoroughly to do so (trust me, it’s an issue for quite a few men and women). However, there is no reason a woman should be cleaning a man’s underwear when they are riddled with sh-t stains and doo-doo crumbs. That’s unacceptable on a level that I can’t stress enough. Washing your spouse’s laundry is something many women do out of love. The least folks could do is keep their underwear as clean as possible. These are grown men–not young children.

Communication, as always, is the best way to go. All of these women should just be honest–completely–in a way that’s not demeaning. And just as I didn’t want my ex-boyfriend walking around burning people’s nostril hairs with his bad breath (I received complaints from friends), I wouldn’t want my husband to possibly walk around smelling like a bowel movement around his co-workers, friends and family. Sometimes, to save people you love from some really serious humiliation, you have to hit them with some temporary embarrassment in the form of an honest, “Babe, you know I love you, but you literally smell like sh-t…”

But as always, that’s just my opinion. Is this a petty problem? Or is it a major issue? How should these women handle it?

 

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