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I’m a big proponent of not seriously dating until you actually know who you are. You might be thinking “I do know who I am.” But if you’ve been dealing with a string of relationships that barely got off the ground, or struggling with your friendships, you could be looking for the wrong things in the wrong people. Why? Because you don’t know what you really want. If you’re still finding yourself, you should be aware of that. Here are the signs.

You hang with friends you’re not crazy about

Sometimes you find yourself wondering, “What am I doing with these people?” They may be nice, but you feel as though you don’t have much in common with them.

Your friends reflect you

Your friends are a reflection of yourself and the more you get to know yourself, the more you will find friends who never make you second-guess the time you spend with them.

You’re attracted to everybody

Every man you meet is an “option” in your eyes. You analyze your interactions with every guy as romantic—always wondering if he is into you. You do this with literally any man that is moderately attractive or near your age.


Your flirtations are a reflection of you

When you have really found yourself, the pool of people you consider to be potential mates gets really small. You know who you are so you know what you want and need in someone else. Until you reach that point, you’ll probably consider dating the guy who teaches surf lessons and owns only one pair of shoes.

You’re posting motivational quotes daily

Your social media feeds are filled with quotes about how to be happy, how to stay focused, what really matters in life, what real friends are and…ugh…you get the idea.

You’re posting, not living

When you find yourself, you will just live those concepts. You won’t need to post them somewhere to remind yourself of them. You’ll be happy and focused and know what really matters. And you’ll be too busy to post on social media all of the time.

You’ve subscribed to a lot of newsletters

For meetup groups and different types of diets, for volunteer opportunities and cooking classes. You let anybody and everybody put your email address on their mailing list.

You want an email to show you the way

Being on these mailing lists makes you feel a part of all of these different communities. You don’t really feel a part of one, in particular, so you want to feel a tiny part of many. But once you’ve found yourself, emails about sunrise hikes and juice cleanses will go in the trash.

You spend a lot of time on the phone

You spend more than an hour a day on the phone. You’re catching up with old college buddies, telling your mom what groceries you bought, or Skyping family in other states.

You only socialize on the phone

You shouldn’t have that much time to talk on the phone every day! Get out there and meet people so you can socialize in real life. When you find your clique (sans the negative connotation cliques came with growing up), you’ll be way too busy for those phone calls.


You sign up for a lot of classes

You’re currently learning a second language, sitting in finance 101 on the weekend, and trying your hand at karate and knitting.

You need a passion

And you’re working on finding it. Good for you! But when you do find it—let’s say it is karate—you’ll cut all those other classes and just move forward in that one area.

You dress differently every day

One day you dress goth, the next day you wear a floral sun dress. Sometimes you rock ripped jeans and a tight tank top. Other days, you wear a simple blouse and slacks.

Your exterior reflects your interior

It will always be fun to explore different styles! But when you really know who you are, you know your vibe will speak for itself. You don’t have to make your clothes do the talking for you. You figure out your style and a signature look that works for you. One that is easy to recreate every day. From there, you throw in experimental ensembles here and there.

You’re trying new focus techniques

You’re meditating. You’re trying to eat raw. You’re reading self-help books. You’re staring at inspirational images. You’re repeating mantras.

You’re not really focused 

You are scattering your energy in a dozen places instead of putting it in the few places it belongs. You can’t organize your own thoughts or figure out what to make a priority. When you have figured out what you want to focus on, you don’t need mantras to remind yourself.

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