The women’s locker room at the gym is a funny place. It’s supposed to be a “safe zone” free of judgment or limitations. But come on—you know you do these inappropriate things when in the women’s locker room at the gym.
Follow suit (or towel) in the sauna
If everybody’s in towels and you want to go naked, you keep on the towel just waiting for someone else to drop her’s first. On the flip side, if everybody’s naked, you go in the buff too, even though you don’t want to. You just pretend you’re tooootally cool with this!
Out-sit someone in the steam room
“I won’t be the first one to leave the steam room. I’m so tough. I’m practically Nordic. I could sit in here for hours. I could live in here. This other lady has to leave first. I’m not faint at all.”
Check another woman’s scale
You know you’ve cranked your neck pretty far to sneak a peek when another woman is on the scale. You just have to know, don’t you?
Check out pubic hair trends
“What’s everybody doing down there these days anyways? We got some full bushes over there, so is that back in? Wait a minute, that girl has it trimmed into a heart shape! I just don’t know anymore.”
Try to maintain eye contact
“I’m totally mature and can look a completely naked woman in the eye for a 12-minute conversation about where to buy good avocados. This is easy.
Silently laugh at tattoos
“A penguin around your nipple huh? I bet you thought that was a good idea during Spring Break ’08.”
“Will they really notice if I just bring an empty bottle and pump a few pumps of gym shampoo into it? Okay a few more pumps. Screw it; I’m filling this puppy up! I pay a lot for this membership!”
Peek at clothing labels
Okay, who can actually afford LuLu Lemon in this place, huh? What’s this—Gucci jogging pants!? Get out.
“My stomach has better definition than her’s. Yeah. Wait. Who is this six-pack maniac over here? Hm. Well…I had a big lunch and I’m bloated so it doesn’t count!”
Play, “Are they real or not?”
Those ones have a natural shape but they don’t seem to move. Those ones are enormous…but they’re drooping. Those ones are tiny, but big for her frame!
Take long, just for some alone time
You know you’ve texted your boyfriend, who was waiting out in the lobby, saying, “Haven’t even showered yet!” when you finished showering 20 minutes ago. You just need alone time. It’s not like he can check on you in there!
Do your makeup to walk out
There are super cute guys in the lobby area doing leg lifts. You’re walking out of here with club makeup on.
Lie about your workout
You swap stats and treadmill times with the other women in the sauna. You all pad your stats a little and you know it. Eighteen minutes is basically a half hour—whatever.
Tell yourself you’re being checked out
“That woman was totally checking me out. I get it. I’m cute.”
Pee in the shower
And purposefully choose a shower that is far from the others in use so that you can pee in the drain, without cross contaminating somebody else’s drain.