“If she ain’t Mrs. Doubtfire, don’t hire her” is something I’ve said to my nanny clad friends for years. I never understood the science behind the idea of hiring an attractive woman to take care of your kids, your home, and spend extra time around your husband when you’re not around. While the purpose of a nanny is to lend a helping hand around the house, sometimes that help is extended a little too far and things happen. Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck recently filed for divorce due to an alleged affair between Affleck and the nanny. Ben and the nanny took their work relationship a little too far and Jen was not aware. While this wasn’t their only marital issue, it seems that this was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
Betrayal at its finest, an affair between the nanny and the husband is like a punch in the gut. Most wives are oblivious to the fact that their hired help is doubling as their competition. While an affair can happen with anyone at any time, there is an unspoken “HANDS OFF THE HUSBAND” that comes with being hired as a nanny. Whether the husband is initiating the encounters or not, there is an invisible line that should never be crossed.
One has to put herself in the nanny’s shoes. She is basically filling in where the wife falls short. A lot of men feel that women are supposed to be able to do it all. Work, housework, and taking care of the kids should be second nature to a woman. Reality is, we are human. We can’t do everything. The extra help should come in the form of teamwork from the husband but sometimes, their workload is heavy too. Extra attention is needed in a variety of areas and sometimes the marriage department is included. When people in any relationship feel neglected or that they need more attention, they will seek it elsewhere.
The nanny steps in and does her thing to help the household run smoothly. The wife is relieved to have some assistance and “falls back” a bit. If the wife is a working mom, the nanny ends up spending a lot of time with the husband and kids. The nanny finds herself taking the kids to soccer games, dance classes, and even doctor’s appointments. Simple events like this can create a situation where a possible connection between the nanny and the husband cannot be ignored. While providing extra attention is part of her job, the nanny is put in a shitty situation if there are marital “attention” issues going on. Her job could easily be translated into something more if a person is feeling neglected.
On the flip side, there are some nanny’s that see the wife’s lack of attention as an opportunity to snag a wealthy side slide. They purposely take on certain families and make themselves available to the husbands to reap the benefits. In these situations, the man is considered the victim because they were preyed upon by the nanny. Penis control is important and some men have none. There are some husbands who would check any kind of flirtatious behavior at the door. Then there are others who take those advances and feed their own ego. If they lack attention from their wife, they compensate with the attention from the nanny. They play right into their hands and get sucked in. Emotions are hard to control especially if there are existing issues.
In any case, a husband’s adulterous relationship with the nanny is an absolute disrespect. To have relations with a woman that was trusted to come into the home and help with the family is hard to overcome. Trusting a partner after any infidelity is tough to do. When the cheating happens right under someone’s nose in their home, that has to hurt 10 times more. There are situations where people have stayed together after a nanny romp while other women couldn’t run out the door fast enough. While these kinds of situations can’t be prevented, it is important to go over the expectations of the nanny before she is hired. If necessary, have that conversation with the husband present so that everyone understands what their role is. Include the husband in the interview and hire process. If you see he is paying more attention to the candidate’s looks than her abilities, she’s probably not the best person for the job. If all else fails, hire a Manny. Male nannies are becoming increasingly popular and seem to be an option for some. Problem with that is, women cheat too.
