When A Queen Meets A King: Finding The Balance For Love

May 17, 2011  |  



Two common misconceptions about relationships:

1) It’s hard for “strong” or “independent” women to deal with having a man around, unless he’s some sort of pushover.

2) Women have to let a man lead in order to have a successful partnership.

It doesn’t matter how accomplished, self-reliant or strong-willed you are, you can have a happy, healthy romance with a man without trying to ‘wear the pants’ or trading in your stilettos for ‘barefoot and pregnant’ chic. Romance is not all about a woman giving up who she is, but instead, two partners bringing all their stuff to the table and working to create happiness through balance. That said, it isn’t that the ‘strong, independent’ sister doesn’t have sacrifices and adjustments to make in order to become a good partner…both parties will have to alter their order of operations in service of a relationship.

Women may find this new way of operating to be a bit more difficult to navigate when dealing with an ‘alpha male’:  a brother who has traditional values and behaviors. He is interested in the protector-provider role and expects that his partner will be the nurturing sort. If this isn’t what you are used to, this can catch you off-guard. So, how do you deal? Well, if this is the sort of dynamic you’ve been looking for, then congrats! There are plenty of self-sufficient women who enjoy the trappings of a ‘traditional’ relationship. That doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your career, your outside interests or your personality; you bring all that to the table and you make sure that your type-A man respects the fact that you are still a woman of your own mind.

However, if you want something a bit more non-traditional, you may have to work a little harder to make your gent understand what it is that you are looking for from your relationship. If the word “partnership” is more your thing than “courtship”, let it be known! Talk about what your ideal romance looks like: perhaps you two go dutch on dates and split the domestic duties. Or, maybe you’d rather enjoy his kitchen expertise than to make him suffer through your burnt toast and soggy egg brunches. You may be okay with a somewhat traditional arrangement, but don’t feel that his gender gives him the right to be the ‘boss’ of the relationship. Whatever your feelings are, be sure that you present them without being confrontational. If he is truly vested in having a relationship with you, he’ll hear you out. If he isn’t willing to consider any compromise, then this probably isn’t the man for you.

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