Some people just can’t do peaceful breakups—it’s like they are incapable of being civil. I’ve broken up with guys, believing the split was mutual and that the conversation went well, only to have them flip on me. You really get to know someone after a breakup, and sometimes you realize that they’re crazy! Here are utterly absurd things a vengeful ex can pull after a split. I know because all these things happened to me…
Tell your landlord all your secrets
If you’re keeping a pet in your place, secretly subletting for the summer, or growing pot in your bathroom…just hope that your ex isn’t vengeful because you might end up getting kicked out.
Call animal services on you
Speaking of a pet, there’s nothing vengeful exes love to do more than take away anything you love. One of my exes called the shelter I got my dog from and told them I was neglecting her.
Steal your business idea
Oh, that new app was your idea? Well, be careful what you blurt out before sex next time.
Call your boss and complain about you
A vengeful ex might call your boss (if you work in an office environment) and say that they are a customer who had an unpleasant interaction with you. They might even say that you were unprofessional and should be fired, or else the company will lose their business.
Come to your restaurant and drive you crazy
If you work in a restaurant, coffee shop or public place, your ex can visit you there. He might show up and send his order back multiple times, spill food everywhere, take up the table for hours during your busiest time of day and, of course, not tip. He might even plant one of your hairs in his food.
Call your parents to worry them
One of my exes called my dad after we broke up to tell him he was worried about my well-being. Why? Apparently I was very sexually promiscuous and didn’t use protection.
Tell your best friend everything you said about her
Think you can vent about your best friend to your boyfriend? You might need to keep your complaints to yourself until you get a ring on it. If you break up, that ex might tell your best friend every critical thing you ever said. Even if you never said anything nasty at all…
Write an article about you
Like I’m doing now. But I’m not vengeful, right? One of my exes posted for days on his blog about how disgusting I am, how bad I am in bed, and how I’m “cheap” and “slutty.”
Befriend all of your friends
One of my exes reached out to all of my friends dangling business opportunities in front of them. He had a lot of connections. Sadly, he was trying to ruin mine.
Befriend your other exes
What’s worse than one ex messaging you to rant about everything they think is wrong with you? One ex messaging you to tell you what he and your other ex have been saying about you when they hang out.
Share personal stories on your Facebook
“Ha! Nice picture. Reminds me of the time we had sex on the beach and you farted.”
Email you naked photos of them and their new girlfriend
It’s happened to me. It’s very jarring.
Hold your stuff hostage
One of my exes wouldn’t give me back the hundreds of dollars worth of electronics I’d left at his place unless I mailed him back every gift he ever gave me. Petty.
Make your favorite places their places
After I had broken up with one guy, suddenly the coffee shop I had always gone to became the coffee shop he “always goes to.”
Go to things you were invited to together
Months ago your friend invited you and your then-boyfriend to an event. Your now-ex assumes the invitation still stands, and there he is. At your friend’s birthday party.