Uh Oh! Is Your Jumpoff Catching Feelings For You?
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If you’re a fan of the show Being Mary Jane and you caught the past couple of episodes, you know that MJ has a cut buddy…aka, friend with benefits. While she’s trying to get over the love her life who is having a baby with another woman – and entertaining the advances of a hot, accomplished older man – she’s getting broke off properly by an NFL player who may or may not be catching feelings for her. In the last episode, he seemed a bit caught off guard when she told him she wanted to chill on the booty call activities in order to pursue a relationship with someone else. While it’s not considered common for the man to catch feelings in a jumpoff situation, it can and does happen. If you’re in a friends with benefits situation and you’re not sure if your man friend is catching feelings, look out for these signs to see if you should cool things off a bit…or take it to the next level.
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He Calls You to Talk
Most conversations between cut buddies don’t last more than the few minutes it takes to ask how long it’ll take to get to one of your houses and who will be supplying the condoms. Sure, there’s nothing wrong with asking your jumpoff how his day was before telling him to come twist your back out, but most people in these “situationships” don’t really care to know your day-to-day activities, how your mama is doing or what is on your mind. But if he suddenly starts calling you to actually have a conversation that doesn’t involve sex, then he is taking a genuine interest in you. If you have no interest in sharing your inner most thoughts and feelings with this dude, then you might want to cool things down a bit.
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He Wants To, or Lets You Spend the Night
One of the golden rules of booty call etiquette is that neither one of you should spend the night – that is unless there’s a hurricane going on outside or one of you is too drunk to drive home. Other than that, no sleepovers. Cuddling and breakfast the next morning are reserved for serious relationships only, so if he’s asking if he can spend the night, or asks you to stay until morning so you can spoon all night, then he’s whipped.
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He Remembers Your Birthday
This may seem trivial, but men don’t tend to remember mushy little things like birthdays of random women who mean nothing to them. Hell, they have a hard enough time remembering birthdays and anniversaries of women they DO care about. If he’s taking the time to commit your birthday to his memory and actually calls to wish you a happy birthday and even wants to celebrate it with you, then take note. If he buys you a gift, then you might want to consider that he wants to be more than a cut buddy.
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He Buys You Gifts
Okay, so maybe he made an exception to the booty call etiquette rules and bought you a little something for your birthday. That’s nice. But if he buys you random gifts just because or gives you flowers just because it’s Tuesday, he’s no longer just a friend with benefits…he’s a man trying to be your “special” friend.
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He Checks Up on You
Most people don’t go checking for men or women they have no feelings for; but if he’s wondering where you are, who you’re with and what you’re doing, then he might be a little jealous – and possibly obsessed with you. If he blows up your phone, texts you daily or is all up on your social media, then he might be interested in more than just sex with you. He may start to worry that you’re spending time with other guys. Men who don’t care about you don’t care about what you’re doing with anyone else, so long as he’s getting his. But if you sense that he’s becoming a bit of a bugaboo, then let him know that you need a little space.
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He Doesn’t Want You to Date Anyone Else
Most people in jumpoff situations are in them because they aren’t ready to be in serious, committed relationships. But some people, like Mary Jane, are just using their cut buddy to fill a void until a man they really want comes along or is willing to make her his woman. It’s usually understood that when either party finds someone else they really want to date, the sex between him/her and the cut buddy stops. Simple right?
Well what happens when he says he doesn’t want you dating anyone else? Or he seems bothered by the idea that you might be interested in someone else? MJ’s jumpoff seemed cool with her dating Sheldon, but if your dude appears to feel some kinda way when you mention another guy’s name, then it’s time to remind him of the rules – or back off a bit until he gets his mind right.
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He Asks You on a Real Date
It’s pretty much understood that friends with benefits don’t share meals outside of takeout or delivery or watch movies unless they’re on cable or Netflix. But if he invites you on a proper date where you actually have to dress up, put on makeup and eat at a restaurant where there might actually even be candlelight, then he’s taking you out of the friends with benefits zone and putting you into the “girlfriend material” box.
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He Wants to See You in the Daytime…With Your Clothes On
Even if he’s not asking you out on a date, if he says he wants to meet up at Starbucks for coffee or stop by your job to say hi, then he’s interested in more than just the physical with you. There’s nothing wrong with your jumpoff actually liking you as a person and wanting to hang, but those are the instances where you’re just being your normal, relaxed casual self that makes men fall in love with the “real” you…not just your sexual self. If he’s just as excited to see you with your clothes on in the daylight as he is when you’re naked in the dark, then he might be developing some real feelings for you.
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He Introduces You to His Friends or Family
This is a dead giveaway. Most men and women keep their cut buddy…well…in the cut! No one knows about MJ’s Mandingo jumpoff as far as we can tell on the show, and most women like to keep their side piece as their dirty little secret. While men may let their boys know they have a jumpoff, they rarely if ever introduce her to said friends. But if your boo thang says he wants you to come hang with the fellas or meet his sister, then watch out! He no longer considers you a F-buddy. He has rose-colored glasses on with visions of love in his eyes, and he has his sights set on you. The question you have to ask yourself now is, do you see him the same way?
