Enough Already: 10 Things Single People Aren’t Trying To Hear
In a world where people think that if you don’t get married you won’t be happy, it can be pretty difficult for an attractive, well-rounded person to be single and not feel pressured to have a relationship. This pressure comes from many people and things, including from those in serious dating relationships, engaged or married. There are many people who have already jumped the broom and started a family, and they expect everyone else to do the same–and fast. While there’s nothing wrong with this because I’m sure their intentions are good, there are just some things you shouldn’t do, say or ask single people.
When Are You Going To Get Married?
This is by far the most annoying question to ask anyone who is single. This question alone can be a harsh reminder of the fact that a person is single and in some cases, patiently, or desperately waiting to get married. Not only that, but it can serve as a negative blow to one’s self-esteem. If we knew when we were getting married (and who we were getting married to), don’t you think we’d tell you?
Why Are You Still Single?
People ask this as if being single is a curse. Newsflash: it’s not! You don’t want to be a person who encourages the vicious cycle of negative self-criticism that has a person wondering what’s wrong with them. There are many people who are single by choice and others by force. Either way, unless those people decide they want to share their theories about why they’re single with you, it’s none of your business.
Who Are You Dating?
These questions aren’t rude, but they can take the fun out of dating because they add pressure for one to settle down or date exclusively. Those who are coupled up often forget or miss the whole point of dating, which is to enjoy the company of whoever you choose. It doesn’t matter how many people you decide to enjoy the company of. It’s the time in a person’s life where they can roam freely without the pressure of commitment until they find the right person to settle down with, if they’re looking to settle down at all.
So What Is It That You’re Doing Wrong?
When people ask this question they automatically assume that none of your relationships work out because of something you’re doing. If you’re single, there just has to be something strange about you that’s scaring potential mates away. But why can’t there be something wrong with the other person? And better yet, why would anybody even think it’s okay to ask someone a question like this?
Don’t You Get Lonely?
Being single does not immediately equate to being lonely. While there are times when a person who does not have a mate may get lonely, it does not necessarily mean that they are alone. A single person can be surrounded with great friends and family to keep their social card full, and honestly, if you enjoy your own company, you won’t be lonely.
What Happened With Your Last Relationship?
Obviously things didn’t work out. That’s the response you need to share with people when they inquire about a past love affair that didn’t turn out the way you anticipated, because nobody has time to divulge all the details of a past relationship to someone just trying to be nosy.
I’ve Got Someone Perfect For You!
The first thing that comes to my mind when I hear people say this is, “Well, if they’re so perfect, then they shouldn’t be single, right?” Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice when someone thinks enough of you to be compelled to match you up with someone else, but do they really know who will be good for you (especially if they’re in the same boat you’re in)? Thanks, but no thanks.
You Know What Your Problem Is?
The beginning of this statement can end with several jabs such as “you’re too independent,” “you’re too picky,” or “you don’t put forth enough effort.” It amazes me how everyone knows why you’re single and can pinpoint traits in your personality that may or may not be negative to use them as reasons why you’re single. Tell them to sit down somewhere.
Are You Still Celibate? Men Don’t Really Like That…
Practicing celibacy or abstaining from premarital sex is a task that is difficult and requires a level of discipline that only certain people can understand. It’s also a great thing to partake in because it allows you to genuinely get to know someone without sex clouding things. So if someone doesn’t want to be with you because you want to do something like this for yourself and your happiness, good riddance.
Are You On Any Dating Websites?
Yes, I’ve heard this one several times in my single life, and each time I hear it I want to scream! While dating online is the popular trend in the age we live in, it’s not the way to go for everyone. And although many people have been lucky in love through the use of various sites, other people prefer to continue meeting people the old-fashioned way.
Being single is a privilege that is often overlooked. And while being in a relationship is a great thing as well, it’s not the end of the world if a person doesn’t get married or isn’t dating as much as you would like for them to. So I say to all of my happy couples of the world, the next time you prepare yourself to ask a single person a question about their relationship status or give a suggestion about their love life, take a minute and reflect back to the time you were single. Ask yourself how you felt when someone else asked you these questions and think about how they made you feel. After all, as much as you would like to think you were, you weren’t boo’d up all of your life…
Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? and an advocate for single women. Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.