We’ve already talked about the communication problems Kandi and Todd are having, all being played out on “The Real Housewives of Atlanta.” In addition to dealing with distance and the failing of their musical, “A Mother’s Love,” the two are only having sex once a week.
And Kandi is in her feelings about it. So she suggests that they attend marriage counseling. Todd doesn’t really think it’s that deep and feels that if they make some compromises, they should be good. But apparently, “they” is just Kandi.
He did have a suggestion about how they could fix their bedroom issues.
“Let’s be real. I’m not Tyson Beckford and you’re not Rihanna. When’s the last time you didn’t have the bonnet on and you put some heels on?”
Then Kandi said: “I had the bonnet on my hair before we got married and it was not a problem.”
Todd: If I say the bonnet doesn’t turn me on, you gotta be like ‘You know what well maybe I don’t need the bonnet on. Like, you have to compromise.
And then in his confessional:
“Man have you seen a lady at night with a bonnet on? The most thirstiest dude wouldn’t get it up!”
The words sound harsher typed out than they actually were, which is why I included the video at the top. So you can get a true sense. The way they discussed this situation, with jokes, laughter and even some touchy-feely throughout, I think Todd and Kandi will be just fine.
But this bonnet discussion has always been so fascinating to me. I mean, Black women have been wearing bonnets for at least a century at this point. But all of a sudden Black men are coming out of the woodworks talking about how they don’t find them sexy.
Before Todd, there was Shawn Bullard from “Match Made In Heaven” and one of our male writers made a similar comment about bonnets killing the mood in a random g-chat conversation.
I mean, I get that they’re not exactly the sexiest things around but since when did a bonnet stop someone from getting it in? As a man, you can make a production out of ripping the bonnet off before you get started or gauge your skills in the amount of time it takes for you to work it off during the deed itself.
I’m with Kandi, Todd knew about her bonnet before they got married. Just like a whole lot of other Black men. Someone suggested that Black men started dating White women and now they want to act brand new. Who knows? But the brothas gotta be more sympathetic to our hair struggle. Matter of fact, if they think back to the days when they were wearing braids and waves, they know that they used to have to sleep with a scarf on as well.
Black hair requires care.
And we’re not our hair but our hair is a part of our lives. And just like other elements of life, when it comes to sex, you just have to work around it.