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Come New Years Eve at midnight, there is a big magical moment and you’re either inside of it or you feel very, very outside of it. And where do you go when you feel left out? In your head, of course. Here are 14 crazy thoughts you’re likely to have if you’re single New Year’s Eve.


Maybe I’ll fall in love with my New Year’s kiss

That guy I’ve been eyeing all night—the one I haven’t said one word to but plan on walking up to confidently at midnight and kissing—maybe he’ll be the love of my life.

Maybe New Year’s Eve will bring my ex back to me

They say magic happens on New Year’s Eve. Maybe the ex that I pine after will finally realize tonight that we’re meant to be together and he’ll track me down, getting to me just in time for a midnight kiss.


Maybe I should let my mom set me up

Her doctor’s son with the adult braces and Xbox collection sounds kind of nice actually…

Maybe I should give that boring guy a second chance

Any guy I ever ditched just because there wasn’t fireworks, I should call him up and give him a second chance. I mean, come on, you can’t always expect fireworks! Think of arranged marriages! They have very low divorce rates! Hmm…I wonder if I can get an arranged marriage…


Maybe I should accept the booty call set up with that one guy

Sure, he says he isn’t emotionally available and he never lets me spend the night, but we have good conversation, good sex, and I like sleeping at my own place anyways. It’s basically a relationship—he doesn’t have to think it is.


I just need to lose 20 pounds—that’ll do it

If I were just really, really svelte all the right men would see what a wonderful woman I am and I would never be alone again.

I just need to become a little famous—that’ll do it

If I just make a YouTube video that goes viral or save a child from a burning building or stop a terrorist plan, men will flock to me.

Maybe I’m a lesbian

Women are attractive. I can see that. Maybe I can get into that. They’re so much easier to understand than men. Maybe I’ll kiss my best friend at midnight…

Maybe I’m too picky

I should just stop following my gut and ignore all red flags. I’m obviously too picky. I need to lower my standards.

All my couple friends are secretly miserable

That’s it! That’s the big secret. All of these smiling couples go home and hate one another. Yeah. I’m the lucky one.

I should get my eggs frozen

It’s never too early!

I should go to a sperm bank

I don’t need a man to raise a child, and having a child would distract me from how lonely I am, and it would give me purpose in my life.


I need to get on at least 5 dating sites

I’m going to get serious about online dating this year. I’m going to sign up for all of the sites and go on at least five dates a week.

This year, I won’t date at all

I’ll be celibate this year. It will be good for me. I can take a breather, collect my thoughts. Yeah—I can stay away from men for a year. That’s easy. Ooh who is that guy???

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