Tell It All: Tashera Simmons Talks Domestic Violence, Divorce & Her New Man In New Book
We have to admit, we like Tashera. She’s been through a lot of drama with DMX but she’s always managed to keep it classy. Instead, he’s been the one to drag his own name through the mud with his appearances on reality television shows, including “Couple’s Therapy,” and “Iyanla Fix My Life.” Well now Tashera is finally documenting her very volatile marriage and relationship with DMX in a new, juicy tell-all “You Think You Know But You Have No Idea.” Today, the day her book hits the shelves, we sat down with Tashera to get a little preview about what we can expect in the book. She talked about the domestic violence she suffered,
Why did you decide to write a book now?
Now is the time. The past couple of years, I didn’t want people to think that I’m writing a book because DMX did all these bad things and I’m another bitter, black woman trying to put someone down. But it’s time now because I felt like he exposed himself first. People will say, ‘Oh, she’s not lying. We saw it. We witnessed it ourselves.’ Before that, when we first separated, I was so ashamed and embarrassed to even say that we were not together or that he did the things that he did, for one because he always spoke highly of me. So then it looks like, ‘Oh, she’s just saying that because she’s mad.’ And on top of everything that I was going through that would have killed me for people to misjudge me. So I just put all my faith in God and I prayed and I struggled and I went through what I went through for the last eight years. And after seeing that Iyanla– I had already started. It took me five years to write this book– but it gave me the drive, not only him exposing himself but seeing my son actually,–he was very intimated by his father–so for him to get the strength to actually go on national tv to talk to him and him not being receptive really made me say, this is not cool. Like you just don’t get it. It was just time.
What do you hope women get from this book?
I hope that women just see that money, fame and fortune is not worth selling your soul for. I was with X 10 years before he got signed, but a lot of women are trying to get into this business because they think they’re going to have all this money and this and that. But you don’t realize what comes with this. The first 10 years of me and X’s relationship wasn’t the best but it wasn’t–the first two years after he signed was the best years of our lives–but as he got into the industry and the money, the fame the drugs. He just turned into a monster. To be honest with you, I see it happen all the time. You have to be very grounded, have a real good foundation not to get caught up. Because everyone’s saying yes, everyone’s praising you. It almost make you feel like God. After a while, I watched him start treating people differently. You have all this stuff we don’t need to want for anything. I used to try to keep him grounded all the time and say ‘Earl, you would never do that and you can make your own plate.’ And I thank God I never took on that attitude because after I walked out with nothing, I was able to adapt to having nothing again and not lose my mind. I’m hoping that a lot of women get that this life is not all that it’s cracked up to be and they need to really love themselves first and get their own stuff going. Forget about being with somebody else just because.
I saw in the press release you mentioned domestic violence. Was it like a physical, verbal or psychological?
Verbal and psychological definitely. Verbal all the time, most of the time, which I didn’t find anything wrong with that until I got out of the situation. And psychological because I realized that nothing was ever his fault. Everything was my fault. Stuff that he did, it was my fault. And I knew that wasn’t right but I was just so many years in by that time that I didn’t know what to do. He was the only one that I’ve ever known. It was a verbal and mental, psychological, spiritual abuse. And I don’t know if it came from the drug abuse or whatever but it was definitely scarring. To the point where, even now 8 years later, I still have a lot of issues that I deal with and I’m like where did that come from?’ And that’s because it was something that was drilled into my head all the time. And now I’m just starting to realize that’s just what he thought. and no this is not how you really are. It’s just very, very scarring. And I am a survivor. And how about I didn’t know that until I was speaking to somebody. People always ask me. And I’m like ‘I’m not a domestic violence survivor.’ And they were like ‘Weren’t you verbally?’– and I’m like yeah, ‘but he didn’t hit me.’ They were like, ‘that’s a form of domestic violence.’ And once they broke it down to me, I was like ‘oh yeah, I’m a serious survivor then.’ I didn’t know. I though it was only physical. I didn’t know.
Has DMX heard of this book coming out and what does he think about it?
He didn’t say don’t put the book out but you can tell that he wasn’t happy with it because he knows that I know everything. I’ve been with him forever and I could say things that he may not want people to know because he puts up a big front. Only people see DMX. I don’t know DMX, I know Earl Simmons. Not saying he’s a bad person but he wears a mask, several masks and he fools a lot of people. What he doesn’t know is that I’m not here to hurt him. And I’m not trying to bash him. And a lot of things I don’t put in the book because of that reason. I just tell the impacts, what me and him have been through, and what I had to deal with, on drugs and a little bit of the verbal abuse I put in. Enough though so that people could understand and see where I came from and what I really endured and escaped from. So I told him I’m just putting this out to help people. And he was, ‘You’re not a strong person…’ and this and that. Still verbally abusing and he doesn’t even know it. And I just hung up on him, to be honest with you. And you know how good that felt? I never used to hang up on him because I used to be scared and I wasn’t even with him that’s how intimidating he was.