Just because a man is divorced doesn’t mean that you should rule him out completely. However, there are some things you’ll want to know before dating a divorced man to ensure this is a journey you want to go on. Here are 14 of them.
Know where the divorce stands
Before getting into a serious commitment with a divorced man, be sure you know where the divorce really stands. Is he still going through the divorce process? Has he been divorced for a week? A few months? This is important in determining whether or not you’re willing to go through with the relationship. Dating a man who is going through a divorce or is newly divorced can be a tough challenge.
Accept that he has an ex-wife
In most relationships when you break up with someone, you can easily move them out of your lives. However, a divorced man can’t just erase his ex-wife from his memory and his life. You’ll have to be able to accept the fact that his wife will always be part of his life. The two may still be in contact, especially if kids are involved. During the relationship he may run into old friends who ask about his divorce and his ex-wife, so mentally prepare yourself for that. Don’t get insecure, angry, or sad every time you hear her name.
…But don’t dig too deep
You’ll definitely need to accept this man’s ex-wife, but that’s as much as you need to do. There’s no point in digging up dirt about her or stalking her on Facebook. These are all clear signs of jealousy and you’ll want to work those out between you and your man. Keeping tabs on a woman he no longer desires to be with only makes things harder for you.
Understand the kid situation
Similarly to his ex-wife, if this man has kids from his previous marriage, you’ll definitely need to be accepting of that. You’ll need to be extremely mindful of the parenting situation as well as the time that he has to spend with his children. You’ll also need to figure out where you fit into the picture, as it’s likely that you may one day meet his children. This means accepting his children and understanding that trash talking their mom won’t do anyone any good.
Patience will be a huge virtue
A divorced man who has already been through the hoops of a marriage may be a bit more hesitant to rush through things. This means that you’ll need to be as patient as you possibly can be. You may find that reaching relationship milestones will take some time, but that’s a sacrifice you make when dating a divorced man.
Make sure he’s over his ex-wife
A man who was divorced just a month ago probably isn’t ready to be in the dating scene. Before getting into anything serious with a divorced man, first be sure that he is over his ex-wife. If you find that he talks a lot about his marriage, divorce, his ex-wife, and tries to spend a lot of time with her, these are all signs that he’s not yet over things. Don’t get involved with a man whose heart and head isn’t in the game, as it’s just a waste of time for you.
Know what he wants
When you two are in the earlier stages of dating, don’t hesitate to ask this man what he wants and what he’s looking for. A man can easily go into the dating scene thinking that he’s looking for a relationship but in reality he’s just looking to have some fun. Be sure you know exactly what he’s looking for before things get too deep.
Know his stance on re-marrying
Though some men are against marriage, you may find that a divorced man is probably not looking or planning to get married again, or at least not anytime soon. Before getting into anything too serious, be sure that you know his stance on marrying again. If he doesn’t want to get married again and you do, there’s a huge conflict here. Don’t try pressuring him to get re-married, either. You’ll just push him away.
Be wary of negatively talking about his ex
Though he may bash his ex in front of you, don’t join the trash talking session. Even if he has told you some things about his ex wife, don’t regurgitate them to him. This will put you both into a very awkward situation and it’ll only fuel his fire to make him angry and upset. You may even find that by trash talking his ex, he defends her. Avoid talking badly about his ex at all costs.
Don’t try to compare yourself to her
When a woman begins dating a divorced man, it’s natural instinct to be curious about his past relationships and lovers. However, if you want the relationship to be successful, the last thing you’ll want to do is to compare yourself to his ex-wife. Don’t ask about how she was in bed or how she treated him in the happier days. A divorced man doesn’t want to think about these things, nor does it do you any good knowing about them.
Accept his financial situation
It’s more likely than not that this divorced man is paying alimony, child support, or both. This means that his wallet isn’t just reserved for your relationship. Be mindful and realistic when it comes to vacations, expensive dinners, expensive gifts, and other activities that are extremely pricy. This man can’t drop his existing financial responsibilities because you want to take a trip across the world. Accept and be mindful of his money.
Be ready for tough parents
When the time comes to meet his family and his parents, be prepared for some tough questions. While they will surely welcome you, they’ll do whatever they can to ensure that you are not like his ex-wife. His parents have seen their son at his lowest point in life, so they’re hoping that his new women is one who will only keep him at high points full of happiness.
Be ready for tough friends as well
A divorced man is likely to have a close circle of friends that he has known during the good and the bad. Once you’re introduced into this circle, be prepared for some of his friends to show you some tough love, subtly. You’ll probably hear “be careful with him” and they’ll be full of questions that they want you to answer. Be open, be accepting, and show that you’re not like his ex-wife, though hopefully your man knows this already.
Be open to developing relationships with his ex and kids
At first this may be shocking and way too personal for you, but as time goes on and the relationship becomes a bit more serious, you’ll inevitably have to have a relationship with his ex-wife and his children. No one says that you have to be best friends with her, and no his kids don’t need to call you mom, but if you’re in his life, they will by default be a part of your life as well. Know whether you are open to this or not.