Let It Die: 9 Myths About Dating We Need To Retire
By now, the dating rule book must be thicker than a dictionary. It seems that every month there is some new guru telling us all how to get and keep a man. Although some sites and books offer great advice to daters, there are a few rules and regulations that are not going to get you any closer to meeting a man than you were yesterday.
There’s a new trend of women being really into sports which is awesome! Break those gender norms and enjoy something that you truly like. However, there is also a trend of women pretending to like sports in hopes that a man will notice. You can’t fake the funk. Learning and liking sports that you don’t genuinely enjoy is one golden rule of dating that we need to retire. You can only fake it for so long and now your man is left to wonder what else you are only pretending to enjoy for his sake.
Fix a Plate, Cook a Meal
How many grandmothers are still telling their children the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach? Likely this isn’t exactly a stretch. All people love good food. However, you can fix a man’s plate all you want to and if he isn’t ready to commit he’s just going to be eating all of your food and playing with your heart too. Most adults should know how to cook for themselves but there are many non-cooking women who are happily in relationships.
Be a sex-kitten / be a virgin
Let’s start at the beginning – it is impossible to be both. Yet, so many relationship books encourage you to give your man wild crazy sex, yet be a virgin when he meets you. Your sexual powers (or lack thereof) is one rule we have to retire in hopes that it will land us Mister Right. Just do you, do whoever you want (or don’t) and be safe about it!
Picture perfect beauty
Please stop killing yourself in the gym to be a size you’ll never see. Please stop applying 10 lbs of make up to change your entire face. Look your best, be a healthy size, keep yourself up to your own standard of beauty, and just be you! The idea that you have to fit into a perfect size or wear a make-up mask to grab a man is one rule we need to throw out the window.
Some people can go to bed without a head scarf and wake up with beautiful hair, the rest of us wake up with some sort of bush on our heads that vaguely resembles hair. There’s a rule floating around that men don’t want women that wear headscarves to bed, typically for sexual reasons. Oh. Well. From the experience of those who shall remain nameless, I can tell you that 99% of men do not care and will continue to give you good loving with or without your bonnet on. Rule, dismissed!
Stay Out the Club
If you love a good party, don’t sit at home every night in hopes a man will appear on your doorstep. The rule that nobody loves the party girl is just a myth. I personally have a friend that is still an avid club goer and so is her boyfriend. They’ve been happily in love for years now and are about to wobble right into marriage. As long as you aren’t the drunk, sloppy, party girl, someone will come along to two-step with you. No need to be a hermit.
Be Less Independent
Now this is a tricky one. No man or woman wants to get into a relationship with someone that only wants an accessory, not a partner. You must learn to let someone be part of your life not just in it. However, the rule that you must somehow dumb down your accomplishments, hide your degrees, and turn into a damsel in distress to land a man is played out. Be independent but open to partnership and find someone who admires and respects that rather than turning down your light.
The 90 day rule
A man knows within the first week if you are boo-tential or friends with benefits. Please stop tying the keys to your sexual honey pot to a calendar. Have sex when you are ready emotionally and feel you know this person inside and out (not just hot and bothered). This could be day 15 or day 108 but that’s up to your mental, emotional and spiritual connection. Be in tune with yourself, not just the calendar, and go with what feels right and be safe about it!
Be a Lady
There’s a host of relationship books and advice that all culminate into one phrase – be a lady. The books advise that you should embrace all things feminine, “girly” and every possible gender norm you can find in order to be attractive to a man. If those are things you like then go for it. However, “being a lady” (whatever that really means) isn’t a sure fire way to catch a man.
At the end of the day, the rules are nonsense.
If you have bad habits (like a terrible negative attitude) then by all means make changes that will allow your inner light to shine. However, no matter what all the rules have to say, the only real way to catch Mister Right-For-You is by being honest and true to yourself.
Do you know any other relationship rules to get a man? Have you followed any with any success? Do you believe in the rules? Comment below!
Dee Rene is the writer and creator of Laugh.Cry.Cuss., a faith based blog that finds valuable lessons in pop culture and every day life. She is based in NYC. You can follow her or the blog on twitter @deerene_lcc @laughcrycuss or visit the site at http://laughcrycuss.com.