“Is It OK to Snoop on My Significant Other?”

Let me first state that I’ve been there before too. I’ve been cheated on and lied to and it downright sucks. And I know countless people who’ve been burned by past lovers. Still, here’s one major love lesson that I learned- a relationship can never withstand the test of time if there’s not a foundation of trust. And trust is built over time through honest and open communication.

So that being stated, if you feel compelled to snoop out of habit, or if you’re in a situation now where you suspect something, you need to confront your partner. You need to start honestly and openly communicating your feelings of distrust to your partner, as well as personally addressing internal issues you have with trust.

Talk to your partner. Share your concerns. And if you’re in a healthy and loving relationship, they will listen empathetically and help come up with a healthy solution to solve the problem of distrust. They may even take steps to help build trust in the relationship- like giving you access to their phone. But that being said, if your partner is willing to be more transparent and take steps to help build trust, I would highly stress that you do not abuse this and make your partner feel like he or she is under 24-hour surveillance. If your partner is willing to be more open, then you need to show them respect and appreciation for their efforts.

Ultimately, if you feel compelled to snoop, then there’s a bigger issue of trust that needs to be directly addressed. Snooping can be self-destructive. And this is why– In your mind, you may think that you’re protecting yourself, but you are also conditioning yourself to be distrustful of your partner. With every act of snooping you are telling yourself subconsciously that you expect to find dirt. Ironically, when you don’t snoop, you give yourself the opportunity to recognize, learn and practice being in a trusting relationship. By not snooping, and instead choosing to honestly and openly communicate with your partner, you are building the kind of relationship you ultimately want.