Maybe listing the 15 worst reality shows ever made is sort of stating the obvious. Even the ones that have been on for years (Toddlers & Tiaras, we’re looking at you) are so bad and so ridiculous that we should really be ashamed that we plop ourselves down to watch them. But we do, because in their complete awfulness, hilarity ensues. But which reality shows put more of an emphasis on awful than hilarity? Check out this list.
All My Baby Mamas
OK, so this hotmess has yet to even debut on Oxygen (yes, that’s right, home of Bad Girls Club), but we’d be willing to bet almost anything that this is going to be a dismal failure. The show will feature D4L’s Shawty Lo, his 19-year-old girlfriend and his thoroughly dysfunctional family. “How did a guy like me end up with 10 baby mamas and 11 kids?” asks Shawty Lo in the series’ promo. It’s by not keeping it in your pants, homie. But if you’re asking how you found 10 willing candidates, we’re just as confused as you are.
We went back and forth on whether or not we should include BET’S Hell Date. The show was actually really entertaining, but it was the devil costume-clad little person that really put this one over the edge. The premise was that of your typical dating show, but with a twist: Single person looking for love goes on a date with a potential mate. Only difference is that the potential mate is actually an actor paid to be the most annoying, pain in the booty any person could ever be forced to go on a date with. Hilarity and awkwardness soon ensued before a little person with pointy horns came out for the big reveal. Campy, ridiculous and definitely worthy of a worst reality show title.
Murder In Small Town X
The idea was an interesting one, taking the old-fashioned murder mystery and making it into a reality-game show. It had promise, but the execution was all kinds of off. The reliance on stereotypes of small-town America, as well as on the murder mystery genre itself, just made the series super predictable and often times boring. Not to mention that several of the contestants were just horribly unlikeable (At least the winner of the series was a hero). While we wouldn’t mind another stab at this series, there would need to be some serious changes to make it worthy of television-viewing time.
Good lord, who thought of this disaster? And of course it aired on Fox. For shame. The show invited several couples to live in a house with some super hot singles in order to test their relationships and faithfulness. Right, because we’re sure show producers really wanted to work with couples who wouldn’t cheat on each other. The fate of each couple was then decided at the season-ending bonfire which was both uncomfortable and pathetic. We all have our guilty pleasures, but Temptation Island and its rampant exploitation of emotionally vulnerable people surely wasn’t one of them.
Another from the good folks at Fox. The theme behind this winner: Does money really buy love? Sure as hell it does. Joe Millionaire involved construction worker Evan Marriott posing as a multi-millionaire heir who is looking for love. Needless to say the lovely gold digging ladies are wooed and eliminated in typical reality romance fashion. But the twist: Once Marriott chose his lady, it was revealed that he was no longer a millionaire. If the couple chose to stay together, they would be given $1 million. While “love” prevailed, it wasn’t long before the two went their separate ways, only $500,000 richer.
Married By America
The title probably says it all here, but Married By America was a complete and total waste of time. Five people agreed to be paired up with potential spouses, sight unseen, allowing viewers to choose their fate. Once they were paired off, the couples were shipped to a beautiful ranch in which they got to, you know, know each other and receive some relationship pointers. After several weeks the field was whittled down to just two couples, who ultimately decided to not get married and go their separate ways. Still reeling in shock? Yeah, we’re not either.
We’re still reeling in shock that this one was ever allowed on air. Hosted by Shanna Moakler, Bridalplasty pitted 12 ladies against one another as they completed a series of challenges in the hope of being the last person standing and getting the grand prize: A total plastic surgery makeover for their wedding. In addition to the show being just downright deplorable in its disregard for females’ self-image, but it also made women seem vapid and superficial. Good job, TV.
Skating With Celebrities
Dancing with the Stars is what it is. But Skating with Celebrities? Now you’re just being ridiculous. While we love to see some of Hollywood’s most annoying celebrities take a tumble here and there, the entire premise of this show just felt like a poor man’s version of its Dancing counterpart. Sure we’ll give this disaster points for including Todd Bridges (everyone needs a break once in a while) and for fostering an extramarital affair involving Kristy Swanson (what up, Buffy!) and her skating partner Lloyd Eisler, but on the whole this is definitely one reality show we don’t need any more seasons of.
Britney and Kevin: Chaotic
Any one could have seen that this had hotmess scrawled all over it even before it hit the UPN, but that doesn’t mean Britney and Kevin: Chaotic is any less deserving of a spot on our list. The aptly titled series followed around lovebirds Britney Spears and Kevin Federline as they made sweet googly eyes at each other and ultimately fell in love and got married. Beautiful, right? Wrong. Brit Brit came off so unlikeable and self-absorbed and Kevin so dense and useless that there was no saving grace for this largely home video compiled show (thank the lord!).
Are You Hot?
So, admittedly, the premise of this show could have had some appeal. Who wouldn’t want to spend some of their television viewing time ogling some very attractive people? But even dangling hot bodies in front of viewers couldn’t keep Lorenzo Lamas’ reality show debut Are You Hot?: The Search for America’s Sexiest People around for more than one horrific season. Other shows ask contestants trivia questions or implored them to show off their talents. But not Are You Hot? They asked contestants for a declaration of hotness instead. Yeah, that’s a no thank you and never again, please.
Growing Up Gotti
We’ve got one word for Growing Up Gotti: subtitles. And no, Growing Up Gotti was not in another language. It was in English. The Gotti boys were just so awful at actually speaking in an intelligible voice that producers had to subtitle what those dimwits said. The pathetic-ness of that alone made Growing Up Gotti a no-brainer addition to our list, though Victoria’s balance between trashy and classy was definitely fun.
Flavor of Love: Charm School
Now we’re not going to lie here: Charm School was without a doubt one of the most entertaining hours of television imaginable. But that was inevitable when VH1 thought it was a good idea to prolong the Flavor of Love girls’ 15 minutes of fame and turn hosting duties over to Mo’Nique. The premise: Try to turn some questionable young ladies into proper (or somewhat proper) women, rewarding one contestant with a $50,000 grand prize. So, yeah, that mission wasn’t exactly accomplished and only helped to make these trashy chicks look even worse.
Real Chance of Love
VH1 cast-offs strike again! After their turn in I Love New York, Real and Chance were bestowed with a horrendous reality show of their own. Real Chance of Love took much the same format as its predecessor, but somehow managed to be even worse. Maybe it was naming the girls Hot Wings, So Hood and Bubbles that really pushed this into terrible territory or maybe it was Chance’s pencil-thin mustache … it could be anything, but this show needed to be put out of its misery. And thankfully it was.
Sarah Palin’s Alaska
Sarah Palin in the Alaskan outback (is that what you call it out there?). Yup, I think we’ve heard enough.
Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?
And we round out our shameful list with yet another Fox creation. Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire was universally panned by critics and despised by many viewers for being insanely exploitative and just way out of line. And let’s not forget Rick Rockwell was barely a millionaire and was, for all intents and purposes, a wreck and Darva Conger was an idiot for agreeing to participate. She may have gotten a decent amount of prize money, but there’s no way that was worth all the trouble.