Get a Clue: Guy Doesn’t Mention the Future, He’s Not Into You

September 24, 2010  |  

We’ve all heard this story: guy dates girl longer than Methuselah’s teeth.  After trying out to be a wife–you know the drill– cooking, washing his crusty draws, even having one or a set of his babies, and wishing every Christmas or Valentine’s Day that he pops the question, the two break up.

Then, he’s seeing someone else in 2.5 seconds flat and marries her and sends you a postcard from Hawaii.

Your poor friend (or you, if this is you) is left wondering, what did she have that I didn’t have?

Well, according to relationship expert and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a boot camp love and lifestyle training camp, you missed the cues, child!  He told you by excluding any mention of you in all conversations about the future.

Here’s you: Hey baby, next summer let’s go to Barbados, buy a house and…is that a Zales we just drove passed?

He: opens his mouth and crickets fall out.

If a guy isn’t including you in conversations about his future–and this could be about anything from buying a house, having his 50-110 kids or picking out curtains to match his leopard-print waterbed comforter, YOU AIN’T IN.

Here’s a checklist of sure-fire signs that give a clue if he’s not really in to you:

  • Does he call you through Google phone so his cell phone is free of you?
  • Is he still going to the club on a Tuesday?  (big red flag girls)
  • Have you overheard him say to his buddies, “We just talkin’” after you’ve been dating him exclusively for close to a decade?
  • Do you prepare for a night on the town but always stay at your address, then wake up alone in bed with wrinkled sheets that smell like Old Spice, but no man is in sight?
  • Here’s a BIG one: his sister giggles when you call him your “boyfriend.” Exit stage left, do not pass go, and get out of the Dodge with the quickness.

Not judging, girls.  Ask me how I know.

Christelyn D. Karazin founder and organizer of “No Wedding, No Womb,” an initiative to find solutions to the 72 percent out-of-wedlock rate in the black community.  She is the co-author of Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate Mixing Race Culture and Creed and runs a blog,, dedicated to women of color who are interested and or involved in interracial and intercultural relationships.

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