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From the Nation:

“Rush Limbaugh is worried about penises. Specifically, he’s concerned that feminism (I’m sorry, ‘feminazis’) have contributed to decreasing penis size. Responding to an Italian study that reports penises are 10 percent smaller than they were fifty years ago, last week Limbaugh pointed to feminism, feminazis and “chickification” as the cause.”

Wait a semi-erect minute: penis sizes have shrunk? Who gives a crap about what Rush “Oxycotin” Limbaugh says. Penises are shrinking – and it is not from ocean water. That’s the damn story here.

How long has this been going on? And more importantly, what can we do about this? Do we need a special White House penis Czar to get to the bottom of this? Never mind the economy, Iran and the protests in Madrid; we demand to know why our public officials have been so flaccid on this issue. I mean, there are some portions of the female populous, who probably feel impotent to the concerns about shrinking penises, but I personally think this is a national crisis – a penis panic if you will – a few inches shy of being bigger and stiffer story than the national election.  See what I did there.

Bad package puns aside, the study in which Limbaugh has referenced is hard to pin down. Most, who have reported on his remarks, have cited a link by the site, Cha Cha, which lists it under weirdest scientific studies. According to the report, the unnamed Italian researchers have claimed that the average size of a penis is roughly 10 percent smaller than it was 50 years ago. The post on the study doesn’t say how the research was conducted or give numbers. However, the study does provide several reasons for the supposed shrinkage, including weight gain, stress, smoking and alcohol. No, feminazis did not make the list.

Well, since we have yet to prove that penises are actually shrinking, we can breathe a sigh of relief.  However with much concern on Limbaugh’s part at least, about the future of the penile, we have to wonder, does size really matter?

Well I believe that depends on the asker. If it is the Prince Charming that you are dating and really feeling, then the answer is “no babes. It’s the motion of the ocean that is more important. Besides, good things comes in small packages. ” However, if the dude you thought was fabulous  suddenly turns into Mr. Jerky F. McDirtbag, then the answer to that question is, “Screw you, you wack tiny shrinky dink, short-short man.”  Because when we are mad, we know right where to kick a dude – right in the gonads.

Actually, survey studies, a real survey, indicate that 65 percent of gay and 55 percent of heterosexual men are generally satisfied with the size of their own genitals. However, that still means that there is a whooping number of men, who wish that they could change their penises – most of course, want to be bigger.  Coincidentally, science will tell us that many of those dissatisfied tend to have average or even above average sized penises.

However that depends on what part of the world you live in and what is considered average. According to the World Map of Penis, yes Virginia there is such a thing, the average penis size in the U.S. is around 5.1 inches however averages ride the scale from the lowest of 3.8 inches in South Korean to an unbelievable well-endowed 7.1 inches in the Congo. Talk about a magic stick.

From a scientific standpoint, size does matter. If you go by the research from the University of the West of Scotland, one-third of the women surveyed said that they were more likely to have an orgasm with a longer than average penis, than through 4-play, which is the traditional thinking.  And in another study, while the actual penis length doesn’t matter, the length as measured from the anus to underneath the scrotum, known as anogenital distance, is a determining factor in fertility in men. Men with a shorter measured anogentital distance stand a seven-time greater risk of having fertility problems as opposed to men with a longer AGD.

There is even research, which links the economic development of a nation with the average penile length of its inhabitants. According to this research, the size of a male organ is found to have an inverse U-shaped relationship with the level of gross domestic product in 1985. Countries with a gross domestic product, or GDP, have a maximizing size around 13.5 centimeters, whereas a collapse in economic development is identified as the size of male organ exceeding in 16 centimeters – proving once again that women can’t have it all (i.e. big stick and money).

In the name of science I too conducted my own research via several brief telephone calls to some of my girlfriends, who were more than pleased to have their workday interrupted to talk about penises. Like, I literally had one girlfriend say, “I was on my way to an important budget meeting with my boss but I’ll make the time.” Anyway, the overwhelming majority of my freak-tastic girlfriends agreed that size does matter but not in the way that many guys think. The women I know will promptly say that what they like is well girth. A penis that is not too small but definitely not too big. How that works out in quantifiable measurement is a mystery however, as my late-to-work friend put it, “I like the use of my legs and I’m not trying to end up in a wheelchair.”  Makes sense to me.

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