I Know You Didn’t Just Say Dutch: Why Women Should NOT Split The Tab On A First Date

September 24, 2012  |  

According to an article in the Daily Mail UK, the website FridayFriday.com, has conducted a survey, which revealed that the vast majority of men surveyed, around 51 percent, would ask for their lady partners to chip in on a first date. Even more surprising, a frugal five percent responded that it would be a great idea for their date to even pay for the entire evening.

Interesting enough, financial concerns were cited as the number one reason why men today preferred going Dutch, however, many of those polled stated that they felt it was unfair, considering that the gap between male and female pay is shrinking, which means that women should be expected to contribute to a first date.

However, in the immortal words of the fictional State Senator Clay Davis from “The Wire,” Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeit….

Now there are some social cues, which I would be glad to relinquish; helping with my seat or closing the door on my own vehicle. However, going dutch, or heck, even paying for a first date, ain’t one of them. In fact, I have never in my 35 years–15 plus years of those spent dating–ever, and I mean ever, had a man try to split a tab with me on the first date. And as long as I am on the market, I will never, ever pay for a first day–ever!

My feelings are that a woman has to have standards and boundaries. And as said woman with boundaries and standards, it is my belief that a well-armed gentleman knows that first impressions count. And any dude, who wants to go dutch on the first date, should probably sit at his own damn table and let me enjoy my meal that I’m paying for in peace.

It may seem passé, however, many men have a laundry list of assumptions and preconceived notions about the proper conduct of women that they date. If she puts out on the first date, she is not-relationship worthy. If she wears a wig or weave, than she is superficial and self-hating. And if she wears short tight dresses, well, she is asking for it. So it’s only fair that I share my–and a few other women other there I suspect–assumptions on guys who ask for a chip-in on a first date.

They are bums.

Tonight it’s a free meal, next week it’s the keys to your car. They are used to being chased, therefore are incapable of excising any tenets of traditional manhood. Lastly, they have serious issues with women. I’m talking about full-card carrying members of the National Organization of Men Against Amazonian Masterhood, or NO MA’AM for short. These are the type of guys who will sue an establishment because they couldn’t get free drinks during ladies night at the bar. And you can regularly find these dudes, sitting in their momma’s basement, writing long blog posts and trolling women’s site raving about why we are all b***hes. You can read all about these types in one of my previous columns about these bitter dudes.

And I’m not buying the whole, “women make their own money” argument either. While the income disparages between women and men are shrinking, that doesn’t mean that it’s equal. Not to mention that black women, as a whole, still tend to earn way less for the same work as their black male counterparts and white people in general. And secondly, do you know how much it costs for me to look good for a date? Let’s see: bath shower gel, hair products, hair salon visit, new outfit, new shoes to go with that new outfit, new purse, make up, possible tampons, birth control and mace. When you do the actual math, it is clear to see that woman spend considerably more money just to get ready for a date than a man would on getting ready and paying for a date combined. So if he is willing to reimburse you for the time you spent, plucking eyebrows or getting your feet done by Korean nail techs than by all means, chip in. But if not, well, pony up, chump.

I kid about the chump part. I know that we are all modern now and some women probably would be down for the dutch lifestyle, mainly because splitting the check reduces any ulterior motives such as sex.  However, a great way for a man to earn trust is by paying in the beginning, and not sniffing around for sex afterwards, as it establishes that his only motive is to get to know her and spend a fun evening in the company of his date. At least that is how I have always seen it.

And that is not to say that I have offered, or even paid for dates before: usually those occasions occur on birthdays, on Christmas and in long-term relationships. And sometimes I will pull out my wallet and offer to pay to test dudes. I’m happy to report that no one has failed the test. But if ever one decided to take me up on the offer, I would casually excuse myself to the bathroom and leave the dirt bag right where he sits.  Remember ladies, always carry cab/bus fare. Just in case.

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