Things You Should Never Have To Ask Your Guy To Do

September 24, 2012  |  
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Every boyfriend needs a little nudge from time to time. Men are not as in tune to the more complex layers of a woman’s emotions—the unsaid points we are trying to make, and the subtext in our text—so we need to lay things out clearly for them. But, there are some things you should simply never have to ask your partner to do. If you’re having to, then you have a problem that’s rooted far deeper than simple communication.

Have sex with you

Your partner should make you feel sexually desirable. Nobody else is going to! (Or they might, but you can’t act on that). Sex is a human need, and by entering into a relationship with you, your partner agreed to give you all the types of affection that comes along with a partnership: emotional, platonic, and sexual. Your partner should never make you have to beg for sex, because that degrades you and instantly makes you feel undesirable.

Rejecting other women

Even if your guy doesn’t plan on using them and just doesn’t want to be rude by rejecting a girl, he is being disrespectful to you by not straight up saying, “Sorry. I have a girlfriend.” If he is taking those numbers to actually use them, well, you have a bigger issue on your hands.

Abandoning you in social settings

It’s healthy to be able to carry your own and play the room when you’re out with your partner. However, part of being together means introducing one another to people you meet and enjoy talking to. Your partner should want to introduce you to people when out at a party, bar or social gathering. He should also want to let it be known he is in a relationship, which abandoning you does not necessarily indicate.

Doing favors for you

He is your boyfriend, not your lazy, video game-obsessed teenage son. You should not have to nag your boyfriend to take the trash out, or pick something up at the store for you. He should be happy to make you happy because then you are both happier. He should take joy in making your life easier, as you do for him.

Surprising you

Having to ask to be surprised ruins the element of surprise. This is something men need to understand to see why we don’t like to ask them to plan a fun date for us, or buy us a sweet gift. Also, being surprised tells a woman that her partner thinks about her all the time, on his own, and she comes to mind when he sees something or hears of something she would enjoy. Surprising a woman shows she is not just a convenience, she is a joy in a man’s life that he wants to pay back for all the pleasure she brings him.

Hanging with important people in your life

Impressing you doesn’t stop at, well, you. To feel bonded to the people you are close with—your family, your friends—you want to be able to share your boyfriend with them. You want them to see in him everything you love about him. Likewise, to feel bonded to your man, you want him to see everything you love about your family and friends. Your boyfriend should never see it as a chore to get to know the important people in your life. He should see it as an opportunity to get to know you better.

Consulting you on big decisions

There are some decisions you can’t have a say in. Sometimes your man will have to go on a month long business trip and it’s non-negotiable. But nothing makes a woman feel less relevant than when her partner says, “Hey by the way, I’m leaving in two days for a few weeks.” We’d like to believe that you at least thought about how your decisions and large plans would affect us.

Being upfront about exes

Some guys are friends with their exes, and if the relationship is truly platonic and innocent, there’s not much you can do about that. However, a man should always be upfront with you if he is hanging with an ex. First off, he should definitely tell you if the woman he is going to see is an ex. And furthermore, from then on, since there is that awkward connection there, he should tell you any time he is going to see that ex. It’s an area that naturally makes a girlfriend nervous, and finding out your guy hung out with his ex after the fact instantly sparks insecurities.

Calling you

Your partner should not only be calling you to discuss what time and where to meet. In a healthy relationship, he should consider it a joy to chat with you. He should want to call you on his drive home from work to catch up, and just enjoy your conversation. He should have the urge to text you if something funny happens that he knows would make you laugh. Reaching out, even at non-necessary times, shows that he thinks about you regularly. And you should not have to ask to be in someone’s thoughts.


Picking up the check

Sure, if you’re together for a while, it’s not sustainable for him to be paying every time. But a girl still needs to feel treated on occasion! Your guy shouldn’t always assume you’ll split the check. And, truthfully, he should never assume you’re picking the whole thing up. No matter who’s turn it is, on occasion, your guy should still just want to treat you.

Taking an interest in your career

Your career is emotionally, mentally and physically exhausting. One of the greatest benefits of having a boyfriend is the support he can provide you, which energizes you for each day. It’s a shame if you’re missing out on that, and your boyfriend only allows you about three minutes of “filling him in” on your day, before he wants to move onto another topic. He should care about your success because what makes you happy should make him happy. And, if he really loves you, he should be curious about what makes you tick. He should want to know about your passions and ambitions, without you shoving the information down his throat.

Spending time alone with you

If your man is a highly social guy, great! He’s probably friendly and very diplomatic. However, you’re not “one of the guys.” You are his girlfriend. And no matter how fun and entertaining his friends may be, you shouldn’t have to have them around all the time. Your guy should show that he wants to feel emotionally close to you, by setting aside alone time, just the two of you. You shouldn’t feel like you’re fighting for that.


Giving you your space

Just like your man should be giving you quality one on one time, he should also be giving you solo time. Asking to have a night to yourself, or a night with your friends should not result in an argument. In a healthy relationship, each person respects that the other has to maintain his or her individual identity, in order to be happy being a half of a whole. Time apart should be granted, not begged for.

Defending you

Whether it’s a friend of his that is always rude to you, or his mother nitpicking you, you should never have to ask your boyfriend to defend you. He should show that it’s important to him that you and his friends and family get along, and he should show that by stepping in and being the peacemaker. Leaving you to do that just makes you look like a Beyotch.

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