by Lauren Carter
Up until four years ago, I’d never dated much. I was more of a serial monogamist who occasionally took breaks from relationships to lick my wounds. But after a breakup in 2008, I immersed myself in the local music and nightlife scene, met lots of seemingly available men and began a long and exhausting foray into the social jungle that is the dating world.
For nearly three years, I met men who liked me enough to keep me within their circle of dating prospects, but not enough to move the relationship from casual to serious. They’d call me and text me and take me places and express all kinds of desires, just none of the long-term variety. At first I was fine with the casual relationships, but over time I got bored with the dating treadmill and longed for something more substantial.
Eventually, I found it, at McDonald’s of all places (but that’s another story). Looking back on my unintentional dating marathon, I realize why it took me so long to settle into a relationship. Because I had been dating these men:
The Successful Black Man – The Successful Black Man is a living, breathing chick magnet, and he knows it. He has a good job and a nice car, he lives on his own and has plenty of cash to globe-trot with all of his friends, all of whom are also Successful Black Men. He’s handsome and fit, has no kids and no prison bids to his credit. At first, meeting and dating the Successful Black Man feels like winning the lottery, until you realize that every other woman who meets and dates this Man thinks the same thing, and he knows this as well. Ultimately, this Man is so busy being the ultimate catch that he is perpetually “exploring his options” and doesn’t have the time or desire for a relationship with you. Dating, yes. Glamorous nights on the town when you cut the long line at the club and momentarily feel like a superstar, yes. But a committed relationship, not so much.
The Wannabe Rapper – The Wannabe Rapper is grinding hard. He’s writing lyrics and recording songs and performing at shows and promoting his latest CD all hours of the day and night. So the Wannabe Rapper doesn’t really have time for a girlfriend, unless she looks like those girls you see in rap videos, and even then he’d probably need a side chick. If he asks you to hang out, it will usually be a thinly-veiled booty call. And when you tell him he needs to step his game up, he might take you out to dinner, but only with a gift card he won at work. He has money to invest in his rap career, you see, but not to spend on you. And trust that if you’re hanging out with him on Tuesday, some other girl is spending Wednesday night at his house – excuse me, his parents’ house, because that’s where he lives while he’s trying to make it as a rapper, even though he’s pushing 30. Deep down, Wannabe Rapper is a decent guy, and he’s actually pretty funny, but he’s too busy trying to be a rapper, down to living the cliché rap lifestyle and keeping multiple women on standby, to be your boyfriend.
