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I’ve heard from too many women infuriating, irritating and unacceptable (in my opinion) stories about things their boyfriends do. And they wrap these stories up with, “It’s just one of his quirks.” QUIRKS? A quirk is cute. Typically, a person realizes they have a quirk, and they try to work around it. But, some attributes are simply flaws—they make your relationship harder, they make one person have to work more than the other, they cause pain and they cause real fights. Know the difference between a quirk and a flaw because, a quirk can be accepted. A flaw is what it sounds like—it flaws your relationship—and it should be worked on, not accepted.

 

A little ADD

Everybody’s got a little ADD. It seems this applies especially to men because they’re not good at thinking about multiple things at once. It’s okay if you have to do a little work, or repeat yourself a couple of times, before your man puts down the gaming console, or the remote control or the comic book or whatever and actually looks at you and listens. So long as he eventually listens. A little ADD is just a quirk, and if a guy realizes he has it and so makes an extra effort to buckle down and pay attention, cut him some slack.

The inability to listen

If your man simply won’t listen—if you feel the two of you haven’t had a good talk in weeks, or that he has no idea what’s happening in your life—that is a flaw. Why? Because it is making your relationship weaker, and it is making the two of you more distant. It also shows disrespect on his part. Everyone can work to become better listeners, if they care enough.

Particular at restaurants

Or hotels, barber shops, gas stations—you name it. Everybody can be a little neurotic and like small things a certain way. So long as someone is aware of that, and asks for those things in a tone that implies they know they’re asking for a favor, and not something they are entitled to, let them have their little ways. “I know this is a little weird but, could I only have small tomatoes in my salad?” That’s quirky. And that’s fine.

Demanding at restaurants

Compare the above to, “Excuse me. Who the hell would want these giant A$$ tomatoes in a salad? Would YOU eat these?” If someone’s head is so far up their own—you know—that they aren’t even willing to consider that maybe they are the weird one, and not the rest of the world, that is a flaw. That type of attitude will always cause problems in a relationship. Again, it’s okay to be picky or particular about things. But don’t blame the world if they didn’t get with your oddball program.

A little jealousy

Hey, who isn’t flattered by their man getting a little jealous? It shows he recognizes how attractive you are, and that he sees other men checking you out! It shows he wants your attention and your affection, and that’s always a great thing. So long as he admits, “I’m feeling a little jealous right now. Pay attention to me!” and notes that it is his own fault, and not yours, that’s fine! Give him a kiss. Make him feel better.

Blinding jealousy

Truly jealous men—the ones flawed with jealousy—will never admit they are jealous. They’ll say that you were flirting with someone. That you clearly wore that low cut top for that other guy. That you are probably cheating! This is a flaw because it does not allow for communication. The man is not willing to admit that perhaps his own issues/insecurities/neuroses are contributing to his feelings of jealousy, and not just your actions. And when someone cannot analyze themselves honestly, and so they put all their negative feelings on you, that is a major flaw.

 

Difficulty communicating

It’s not easy to translate your emotions into words. It’s even more difficult for men. It can be uncomfortable, make us feel vulnerable, make us face things about ourselves we didn’t want to face. And, it gives the other person in the conversation some amount of power over us. It’s okay if a man is slow to talk when things get real. If you get into an argument, it’s okay if he needs a minute to organize his thoughts. So long as he is trying.

Refusal to communicate

Any man that just won’t even try to communicate, because it makes him feel emasculated, he considers it “stupid” or it takes too much energy or it “isn’t worth it”—that is the mindset of a flawed man. Communication isn’t something you can just do without in a relationship. It’s not as simple as one of you likes the Ballet and the other refuses to go. Communication is the only reason you know who the other person is and how to make them happy. So, if a man refuses to communicate, that means he doesn’t want to know who you are/have you know him better or make you happy. Major flaw.

The major difference

Everybody has quirks, insecurities, neurosis, things they are particular about and baggage from the past. The main difference between a quirk and a flaw is this: a quirk becomes a flaw when you refuse to admit that quirk even exists—when you refuse to recognize you’re the weird one here, and not the rest of the world. Any quirk becomes a flaw when you start spewing your negative emotions associated with it onto the rest of the world. You had some childhood trauma that makes it difficult for you to communicate, so you yell at your partner for asking you to, rather than recognizing this one’s on me. 

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