Love Or Leech? — 6 Signs He’s Just Using You - Page 6

Love should make you feel seen, supported, and appreciated, not like you’re carrying the entire relationship on your shoulders. But sometimes, the signs that a partner is taking advantage of you can be subtle, especially in the beginning. So how can you tell the difference between someone who genuinely loves you and someone who simply loves what you do for them? Are there clear signs that your partner might be using you?

During an interview with Vice published on July 24, Dr. Alexandra Foglia, DMFT, Director of Family Programs at the addiction treatment center franchise All In Solutions, explained that the warning signs usually don’t come from one major incident. Instead, they show up as repeated patterns over time.

“When someone feels that they’re being ‘used’ in a relationship, it’s usually not because there was some single, defining moment or behavior exhibited by their partner,” Foglia shared. “It’s generally due to a repeated pattern where the relationship is predominantly beneficial to one partner while the other partner carries most of the load when it comes to being supportive on an emotional, financial, and/or practical level.”

It’s possible for someone to appreciate your kindness, emotional support, or financial help without truly investing in you as a partner. If you’ve been wondering whether your relationship feels one-sided, here are six signs to pay attention to.

1. There’s No Reciprocity

Healthy relationships involve give and take. While no partnership is perfectly balanced every single day, both people should consistently show up for one another over time.

If your partner is always available when they need something, but suddenly disappears when it’s your turn to lean on them, that imbalance could be a red flag.

“A relatively subtle clue is if your partner tends to be very actively engaged when they need something from you, whether it’s a favor, emotional support, money, etc., but when your needs come up, they suddenly become distant and/or unavailable emotionally,” says Foglia. “Generally speaking, healthy relationships have a sense of reciprocity built into them. People’s needs may vary, and this doesn’t necessarily mean that everything will be perfectly equal each day, but support should be more or less evenly split over time.”

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2. They Value What You Can Do for Them More Than Who You Are

Does your partner seem fascinated by your paycheck, career, social circle, or ability to solve problems, but rarely asks about your dreams, goals, or feelings?

According to Foglia, that’s another sign they may be more invested in what you provide than in the relationship itself.

“Your partner might compliment you on your dependability, income, connections, or ability to take care of others, but won’t really ask you about your own dreams, desires, goals, or emotions,” says Foglia. “Eventually, you’ll probably start feeling as though you are a utility/resource for your partner as opposed to their romantic equal.”

3. They Make Big Promises but Rarely Follow Through

It’s easy to get caught up in exciting plans for the future. But if those promises never seem to become reality, you may be dealing with what’s known as “future faking.”

Whether it’s talking about moving in together, getting married, taking a dream vacation, or building a future as a couple, actions should eventually match the words.

“This involves making promises to your partner regarding joint plans/goals/etc., continually failing to deliver on those promises, while at the same time continuing to request that your partner invest in the relationship,” she says.

4. Your Needs Are Constantly Dismissed

Every relationship will have disagreements, but your feelings should never be treated like an inconvenience.

If bringing up your needs is met with defensiveness, guilt trips, or accusations that you’re asking for too much, it may be a sign your partner expects the relationship to revolve around them.

“I recommend paying attention to how conflict in the relationship is managed,” says Foglia. “If you regularly express your needs and are met with resistance, guilt trips, accusations that you are trying to ‘keep score,’ or pressure to lower your expectations, this can create an environment which allows one partner to benefit without having any real responsibility or accountability.”

5. They’ve Become Emotionally Distant

One of the biggest signs that a relationship is losing its emotional connection is a lack of curiosity.

If your partner no longer asks about your day, your feelings, or what’s happening in your life, it can leave you feeling invisible. Conversations may become surface-level, and when you try to connect, they respond with short answers like “I don’t know” or “whatever” instead of engaging with you.

Emotional intimacy takes effort from both people. When one partner consistently checks out, it can signal that the relationship is no longer a priority for them.