Jaded, Or Just Realistic: Which Are You?

April 18, 2012  |  
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You may think you’ve just “figured things out.” That the world of love is a rough place and you’ve developed your armor. You may think you’re “smart” or “strong” for expecting certain bad behaviors from men. Sometimes, you could be right. But sometimes, you may just have been jaded by your experiences, and need to learn to leave your baggage at the door a bit more.

Communication when fighting

Are you/have you been with someone who, when you got angry at them, just didn’t want to talk about it? They became quiet, or perhaps even left, and the fight just sort of ended because time passed? Some women think, “That’s just how guys are—they don’t like to talk.” NOT true! Not always. You could probably find a guy who has developed his communications skills past the frat house.

The hobbies

Does a fantasy football league or video game take hours of your guy’s attention every day? Do you tell yourself, “It’s fine. I’ll just find something else to do until he’s ready to engage?” Good! It’s not the end of the world if he wants to unwind for a couple of hours. And it’s certainly not immature—most of our nation’s men play video games. So long as he still pays enough attention to you at other times, let him play his games.

He’s dating other people

Are you dating someone, even sleeping with someone, and you assume they’re dating other women? Perhaps even sleeping with other women? And you’re not even bothered by it? Well, this doesn’t necessarily have to be jaded. It’s common practice to get to know multiple people while you see which one is a best long-term match. So long as you don’t have the attitude of “Men are pigs—I’m sure he is sleeping around and I just have to accept it” but rather “He is free to feel out his options, as am I,” then you’re just being realistic.

He will be tempted

Have you read articles on “How to keep your man from cheating?” Those articles really shouldn’t exist. There are men out there who, believe it or not, no matter how miserable their relationship is, no matter how un-attracted they now are to their partner, and no matter how much someone else is throwing herself at them, do not cheat. They have balls, and integrity. And they just end the relationship they’re unhappy in. If you think it’s your job to do things to keep your man interested, and keep him from philandering, you’ve become jaded.

Everyone fights

Eventually everybody does get a little testy with each other, or begin criticizing one another. But, to what degree do you think this is okay? You’re realistic if you understand that, arguing is another form of communication that must happen. You’re jaded if you think that every couple eventually hates each other more than loves, and becomes bitter, resentful and unpleasant toward each other.

Nagging is normal

Do you constantly have to remind your man to call you back? To show up on time? To ask you about your day? To act like he gives a shyte? Guess what: there are men who don’t need to be nagged. Don’t assume that every woman has to put up with constantly nagging for what she wants and needs. That is a jaded view.

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