5 Signs Your Partner Might Be Fantasizing About Someone Else

Ever get the feeling your partner might be mentally elsewhere, maybe even fantasizing about someone else in bed? According to sex consultant and relationship expert Julia Stein, your suspicions might not be so far-fetched.

In an interview with Vice on Oct. 14, Stein broke down a few key signs that could reveal if your partner is thinking about someone else, especially during intimate moments. One major red flag, she says, is when something just feels off during sex. Even if your connection is usually strong, your partner might seem zoned out, lost in thought, or mentally checked out.

“Everyone’s imagination shows up in the bedroom sometimes,” she explains. “It becomes a concern when fantasy replaces connection instead of enhancing it.”

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So if you’re wondering whether your partner has someone else on their mind, here are five telltale signs to look out for.

1. They avoid eye contact or keep their eyes closed.

Eye contact is one of the most basic yet powerful forms of intimacy. If your partner consistently avoids it or seems distant, it could be a sign their thoughts are drifting elsewhere.

2. They feel emotionally absent.

If your partner starts to feel like they’re just going through the motions — more autopilot than present — it can be hard to ignore.

“There’s a difference between feeling comfortable and feeling disconnected,” Stein says. “That drop in energy often means their focus is somewhere else.”

3. They make out-of-character requests in bed.

Trying new things is a natural part of any sexual relationship. But when a new request seems strangely specific or out of sync with your usual dynamic, Stein suggests it might be rooted in a long-harbored fantasy involving someone else.

4. Their energy has shifted.

Every couple has its own rhythm. So when the vibe suddenly changes during sex— when things start to feel more like a performance than passion — Stein says that shift could signal a partner feeding a fantasy rather than deepening a connection.

5. They repeat new moves or phrases.

Sometimes the giveaway is in the repetition. If your partner suddenly adopts a new routine in bed — same moves, same lines, same habits — and sticks to it with unusual consistency, it might be a sign that a private fantasy is playing out in their mind. Stein says that kind of consistency usually comes from a private fantasy running in their brain.

If you notice any of these signs in your relationship, it may be time for an open and honest conversation with your partner. Talk about your intimacy: what’s working, what isn’t, and where you both want to grow. Address any current issues together and look for ways to reconnect. Honesty is the first step to making sure those private fantasies don’t grow into something that could drive you apart.

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