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Multiracial couple watching television together at home on the couch involved in serial monogamy

Source: zamrznutitonovi / Getty

If you’re prone to serial monogamy, then you’ve probably heard these pieces of wisdom before: “You have to love yourself before you can love someone else” and “You have to be happy alone before you can be happy in a relationship.” And, they weren’t entirely speculation. If you believe that a relationship makes a person happy, you could be missing critical information.

Research published in the American Psychological Association looked deeper at the happiness levels of married individuals. They found that people who are happiest in their marriages also tended to be happy before ever getting married. These same individuals even managed to return to pre-marriage happiness levels after becoming widows or widowers. Translation: relationships don’t make miserable people happy, but they can make already happy individuals happier.

This is important information for serial monogamists who’ve spent their lives running from the single life, for fear that it’s wrought with misery. The reality is, if you never learned how to be happy outside of a relationship, then there’s a good chance you carry that misery with you even into relationships. Still, relationship hopping is common.

People leave a relationship and walk directly into another one every day. Is it always a bad thing? Not necessarily. Sometimes, a person truly does meet the love of their life…when they happen to be dating somebody else. But then there are others who think everyone and anyone could be the love of their life – it’s a lens that prevents them from being single. If you are a serial monogamist, here are some things to consider to help you decide if your love of love is healthy.

 

How Do You Handle Being Alone?

African american woman sitting on the sofa at home hugging pillow depressed and worry for distress, crying angry and afraid. sad expression.

Source: AaronAmat / Getty

How do you feel about spending time alone, in general? This question isn’t about your relationship status. It’s about how you feel about spending a day by yourself, taking a weekend trip alone, or even just going to the movies alone. The idea of alone time shouldn’t be frightening. In fact, alone time is great for you. Research reported on in Forbes shows that people who take regular alone time have better mental strength and more empathy. However, if the idea of spending a few hours alone strikes panic throughout your body, then the idea of being single is probably also frightening. And that could mean that fear of being single – rather than actual compatibility with someone – drives you to relationship hop.

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