8 Signs The Guy You’re Messing With Is NOT a Grown A** Man

January 26, 2012  |  
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Sure, you can’t really define what a grown a** man is in plain, black and white terms. However, I’m sure we can all agree that it’s pretty easy to point out the traits that prove a man’s overall maturity level is on the low low. We hear brothas say it often: “What!? I’m a grown a** man!” But you don’t just talk the talk, you have to walk it. But before someone gets their briefs all tied up in a knot, as usual, this list only pertains to some men, not all. So with that (and with all due respect), let’s get this thing started.

PS, there will be one for women coming soon too, so don’t get too comfortable.

He’s Spending the Little Money He Has on Junk

After a certain age, we should all be making more strides to save and only splurge every once and a while. But when your new man can’t afford to do things with you or to even cover all his bills for that matter because he likes to invest in game systems, $100 plus dollar Jordans and gadgets that make no sense…you’re in trouble, girl. Popping bottles in the club but can’t help put groceries on the table…mess. Don’t let him come around you asking for gas money when he spent his last dime on that new “Gears of War” game. Be sure to ask him if those folks are paying him for his dedication. And don’t you dare stand in a Black Friday-esque line with him thirsty for a new flat screen TV when he barely has furniture in his place. C’mon son!

He Likes to Be Nasty for No Reason

And we’re not talking about the good kind of nasty. I’m talking…(takes deep breath): hawking loogies while you all are walking around together (DUMP HIM if he spits indoors); not cleaning out the sink well when he’s left all toothpaste around the basin; NOT pulling the seat up to urinate and then leaving urine on your seat, lid or floor; doing number two and not flushing enough to get his stains from around the bowl; digging in his ear and coming out with treasure right in front of you–and the list goes on an on. Trust, we all do nasty mess, some of it is natural, other things can be hidden. However, control and concealment is key. If you all aren’t married then a man should not be sooooo comfortable around you like that.

PS, if you use the bathroom, don’t wash your hands afterwards and immediately reach for community chips, grapes, candy–whatever, this one’s for you.

He Doesn’t Have Any Real Goals for the Future

So you asked him what he wants to do with his life and he said the three letter word that hurts the heart of everyone who hears it: rap. NOOOOOOO! Let’s be clear, that should be a side hustle or hobby, but what is it he really wants to accomplish in the future? Women don’t like to run around with unstable men who don’t seem to be committed to one thing or don’t seem to know where they’re headed, but they want you to go too–maybe. If you ask him the question again and he says he’s still not sure or hasn’t really thought about it, just be sure to take yourself out of those “to come” future plans.

He Loves to Blame Other People for Everything

So your man sounds like Shaggy because all he ever says is: “It wasn’t me.” It wasn’t his fault, everybody else is crazy, it’s his baby mother who got him in the situation he’s in now, blah blah blah. Part of being an adult is knowing when to take responsibility for the part you play in things, as opposed to keeping your finger well groomed and moisturized so you can point it in the direction of someone else. If everyone else seems to be the problem–the dude he fought at the club, his co-worker, his ex, his mother–then it might just be that he’s in denial of the fact that he could be the real problem.

He’s Not As Involved With His Kids As He Should Be

Nothing hurts my soul more than a man who knows he isn’t doing enough for his children but seems to be okay with that. Using angry exes as excuses as to why he doesn’t go around to see his son or claiming you can’t afford to put out that child support because you just don’t have it (but there go those Xbox games!) is played out. A man who knows he’s not doing right by his kids and lets it be is probably someone you don’t want to start having kids with yourself, let alone deal with for a long time. If he can’t stand by his own offspring, can you really count on him to ride for you like that? Do you even want him to?

He’s Always Asking for Something or Using Your Stuff

This guy is on that Baby Boy type of thing. He’s trying to borrow your car, your money, your phone and eat all your damn food, but of course, he doesn’t have very much to bring to the table like he should. Say something about it and you’re given the “She’s so selfish and always nagging” face. No woman minds sharing something with a man she cares about, but when he’s low-key trying to act like he owns something without contributing anything, then it’s clear he’s got the game all messed up. At least wash a dish…and not just the one plate and fork you used!

He Constantly Talks About or Does Inappropriate Mess in Public

Anything that’s focused on moving bowel moments, your sexual encounter last night, degrading someone or anything that you wouldn’t want moms to know about or hear? That’s what I’m talking about. Using expletives incessantly, especially when you’re not talking about something that evokes anger is also not the biggest sign of maturity. I mean, what the ****, do better! (*wink*) And please don’t grab a handful, pass gas and not say anything (so someone can walk past and inhale your silent bomb) or burp out loud obnoxiously like the home training bus passed you by.

He Spends Too Much Time Doing Random Things

Back to the video games…If you know he’s not working at the moment, but spends more time sitting on the couch playing video games as opposed to looking for new employment, he might need to hit the road. And if he’s always coming in the house high as a kite because that seems to be his only hobby with his boys, it’s safe to say that ‘ol boy is NOT grown. A smoke here and there can be tolerated, but if he’s play auditioning for a role in How High 2, that just won’t fly…

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