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Stalking is not be taken lightly. Having a stalker is terrifying and makes a person fear for their life, struggle to enjoy simple activities and feel on edge during certain moments. That experience is a reality for one in three women, according to StalkingAwareness.org. And the Institute for Women’s Policy Research states that nearly 14 percent of Black women experience stalking.
Nearly half of stalking victims are stalked by a former intimate partner, and 69 percent of female partners were threatened with physical harm. Non-violent forms of stalking include showing up in places where the victim doesn’t want the stalker, following the victim and even tracking or spying on the victim using technology. If you know that an ex is stalking you, it’s not something to be taken lightly. Here’s what to do.
Inform Friends And Family
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If you believe an ex or anyone else is stalking you, you will need an entire team to help protect you. Notify all of your friends and family, and colleagues if necessary. The ex might reach out to any of these individuals and ask about your whereabouts. It’s important that they’re aware of the situation, so that they know not to share information about you.
Take It Seriously
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It can be hard to believe that someone who you once cared for could ever cause you harm, which is why many people don’t take stalking signs seriously at first, particularly threats. But any threat against you – a threat of violence, a threat against your job or otherwise – should be taken seriously. Even one threat is cause to be on guard and notify friends of the situation. Don’t take pity on the stalker and respond to occasional messages or agree to meet for one drink. This sends the wrong message and can motivate them to continue the behavior.
Go Ghost On Social Media
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Social media is a great resource for exes trying to stalk you. If determined enough, someone can piece together a few data points from your recent posts to figure out things like where you live now, where you work, who you’re seeing and more. It’s a good idea to stop posting on social media until things cool down, and to ask friends and family not to tag you in posts.
Change Passwords
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If this is an ex, then they might have your passwords. Even if they only have the passwords to non-sensitive accounts like Netflix or Hulu, should you have those same passwords for other accounts, your ex could guess those. Should any of your passwords contain personal information your ex would know like your pet’s name or mother’s maiden name, they might guess those. Hacking your accounts makes it easy for them to stalk your activities and cause damage to your life. Change your passwords and make them difficult to guess.
Avoid Common Contacts
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If you dated a person, who is stalking you, for any length of time, you might have common friends. Until things calm down, it’s best to avoid any common friends. They might pass information about you along to the ex. Even if they don’t mean to harm you, they might pity the ex, or not understand the severity of the situation.
Change Up Your Habits
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If a stalker shows up places where you are, it’s time to change your routine. The stalking person may have mapped out your day, from where you grab a coffee to when you go to the gym to what time you get home at night. Though it is inconvenient, it’s in your best interest to change your patterns until things settle down.
Don’t Go Out Alone
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Most stalkers won’t approach you in a group setting. Have a buddy system and recruit friends who will accompany you to run errands, go to the gym, take your dog to the park and whatever else it is you’d normally do alone.
Have A Method Of Self Defense
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If you believe anyone is capable of causing you physical harm or if they have even gone so far as to have threatened that, you need a form of self-defense. This can include taking self-defense classes, as well as carrying a small tool such as pepper spray, a keychain taser or a keychain Kubaton stick.
Know Your Rights
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Stalking is a crime in all 50 states. The degree of the charge varies by state. In order to get a better understanding of when and how to press charges, find a local advocate. Your local sexual assault or domestic violence agency can walk you through local stalking laws and show you how to file a protective order when the time comes. They can also help you create a plan to protect yourself. Most advocates will tell you to document each stalking incident to build your case, so it’s a good idea to start that at the first sign of stalking.
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