TRIGGER WARNING! This content includes subject matter involving self-harm and suicide.
Grammy-nominated rapper and XXL 2020 Freshman star Chika sent fans into a panic over the weekend after she posted a series of chilling messages to her Instagram account implying that she wanted to end her life.
On March 26, the Montgomery native posted a lengthy statement to her profile, noting how she went up “to the top of the intercontinental, but could not jump.” The 25-year-old wrote that she hesitated “because the metal stairs were scary.”
“That’s the part about having a fu****up brain. No matter how much pain you are in, there will always be something to hold you back…It looks like crying wolf, but it’s not. it’s just difficult to find the right way. the quickest way. the painless way. i am tired of myself too.”
Further along in the heartbreaking letter, Chika claimed that she was “never meant to win” in life and that she didn’t need “anyone feeling bad or worried” about her suicide attempt.
“I failed the last time i tried. save your emotions for when I succeed.”
The rising hip-hop star ended her gutwrenching letter telling fans and followers that this was a “cautionary tale of sorts.“
“No more typing. i’m going to finish my drink and find a way that works. thanks for the ride, i hated it.”
Shortly after the post went viral, TMZ issued an update about the star’s wellbeing. LAPD officials told the media outlet that they went to Chika’s North Hollywood apartment to check on her, but she wasn’t home when they arrived.
Prior to Sunday’s startling event, Chika had previously posted a number of concerning messages on social media expressing suicidal ideations. On the evening of March 25, Chika wrote via her Instagram stories:
“I’m not making it home.”
She followed up with another disturbing message that read:
“Find my body in St. Paul IGAF” and “Madison, actually. Hope ur happy.”
Chika garnered praise on social media in 2016 for her witty wordplay and punchy lyricism, often rapping about social and political issues like Donald Trump’s presidential election and body positivity. The star’s quippy and straightforward penmanship landed her a deal with Warner Records in 2019, where she went on to release her debut single “No Squares” and “Richey v. Alabama,” a song addressing Alabama’s Human Life Protection Act, that would have placed a total ban on abortions in the state.
Early last week, Chika took to Instagram to share a new song with fans, but in her caption, the rapper confessed that she had been experiencing “self-doubt, internal turmoil & a lack of support.”
The message continued:
“I have a few friends who always check on me and pray for me, and after a few low points, i was inspired to write about the feeling of unconditional love. we all need that kind of affection— the kind that lacks judgment and that doesn’t hold a grudge. i don’t know if i will ever deserve that level of understanding, but all i can do is thank the people in my life who break their backs trying to soothe my worries while forgiving me for my shortcomings.”
Our prayers are with Chika during this difficult time.
If you or a loved one are struggling with depression and thoughts of suicide, please contact The Black Emotional and Mental Health Collective for more help and emotional support.
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