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Dear Ashley, a weekly sex column in which Sex Expert Ashley Cobb answers your most intimate questions. Nothing is off-limits! Have a sex question, Ashley, “Your Favorite Friend In Filth,” has an answer. For questions on sex, email Ashley at ashley@sexwithashley.com
Dear Ashley,
I need advice on whether or not to let my son bring his girlfriend home to spend the night. Do I let them have sex in my house? Is there an age when it seems appropriate? His girlfriend is a nice girl. Her parents and I have been friends for years. However, this doesn’t change the fact they are both teenagers. Having once been a teenager myself, honestly, I know I can’t stop them from having sex if that’s what they want to do. But that doesn’t mean I have to provide the place for them to do it.
Sincerely,
Conflicted Mom
Dear Conflicted Mom,
This is definitely a mixed bag! On one hand, I’m like “hell no” but on the other, I see why some parents allow it. A couple of weeks ago, I was watching Sex And The City 2.0—I refuse to call it by its other name, true fans know this is SATC minus Samantha. Miranda was at lunch with Carrie and Charlotte and mentioned how she found her son’s used condom in the house. Miranda and her husband Steve regularly allows their seventeen-year-old son Brady to have sex–rather loudly–with his girlfriend in their house. As I watched the episode, the Black mother that resides deep down on the inside of me was like what the hell? My mother would have never let me have sex in her house at age 17. Shoot, I can’t even have sex in her house now and I’m soon to be 37-years-old. However, the progressive sex expert I am understands teenagers who want to have sex are going to have sex and that providing a safe space for them to engage isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
There is no wrong or right answer to your question. Nor is the answer as simple as yes or no. In this particular situation, parents tend to fall into one of two categories. The ain’t-no-way-in-hell group or the I-want-my-kid-to-have-sex-in-a-safe-place” group. Only you know what side of the coin you’re on. Think about how you feel and why and base your decision on that. It’s hard for some parents to imagine their kids, who were once cute little babies, as sexual beings. At the end of the day, you need to ask yourself if you are comfortable with your son expressing himself sexually under your roof? If you can’t handle the idea of him having sex in your house, tell him and then talk to him about alternative solutions like maybe a hotel. In addition, have a talk with him about consent, emotional consequences of having sex, including risks, such as STD’s and pregnancy and, of course, how to protect himself. All-in-all, whether you allow your son to have sex at home or not, the most important thing is that he makes safe, healthy decisions.
Ashley Cobb is the millennial microphone that brings the conversation of Black women’s pleasure to the forefront. Creator of digital platform Gossip And Gasms, her work and words have been featured in Cosmopolitan, Men’s Health, Shape Magazine, Business Insider, and Huffington Post. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter via @sexwithashley
