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One of the worst ideas that many of us form in our minds is that our worth is based on something outside of ourselves. Due to the materialistic nature of society and the way that many tend to determine class, some feel that the things we possess add value to our lives. Stuff is nice, people are great and there is no denying the fact that they both add happiness to our lives. However, that happiness is temporary and subject to change at any moment, which is why it is important to understand your worth.

You are your biggest flex, sis. You are what is greatest in your life. Your car, your home, your wardrobe, and all the other dope things that you have acquired throughout life are cool. They are the fruits of your labor. However, they are not the reason that you are priceless and it is time to amplify your self-worth and embrace that understanding. Why? Because self-worth determines your overall wellbeing.


Self-worth is the value you place on yourself and it is the only form of worth you have any control over. You determine how external factors influence your inner sense of worth. Your reaction to the actions, judgments, and energy of other people is a depiction of the way you view yourself. Society’s unspoken standards, rules written on paper, and everything else outside of your body are external sources that should have no control over you. Allowing these influences to play a larger role than needed in your life can prove to be extremely problematic and damaging to your growth and development because outside forces are always in flux.

I am definitely not saying that outside influences can’t be and aren’t motivational or that they don’t assist you in meeting your personal goals. I also am not implying that your mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical health can’t thrive when motivated by the proper sources. I am simply saying that self-perception and understanding your value will take you a hell of a lot further when it is up (and as Cardi B says, then it’s stuck).

For many years, I failed to see my success and my overall dopeness because I didn’t have a home or a car that was as nice as some of my friends. My finances did not compare to theirs and I didn’t own designer things. My primary source of self-worth was influenced by everything around me and it caused great disappointment and confusion. Yes, I was doing the work. I was a great mother, I had a handful of degrees and I was living my purpose, but I felt like a complete failure because I thought my value was attached to all of these things that depreciate in value the moment you possess them.

And I did possess them. My shift came when I began to acquire the things I thought I needed to be happy and successful and I still wasn’t content, nor did I feel prosperous. It was then that I began to realize what I needed to invest in and make sacrifices for was myself. I was in a very toxic relationship, with a person whom I felt I needed because according to society, Black women are trash without a man. There was a moment in the relationship when I told myself, “You don’t have to put up with this sh-t. You are a bad b—h, you are beautiful, you are intelligent, and you get things done and none of that comes courtesy of ole boy.” Reminding myself of my value, that was a real defining moment and it invoked a shift that changed how I saw, treated, and loved myself.

Now listen to me, sis. Your light is brilliant because there is something you house internally that is great. Nothing that God placed in you is controlled by anything other than you. You are the reason you are great, not your house, not your car, not your designer bags or any of your friends; you are your best thing. However, until you activate your authority over you and see just how great you are, your light won’t shine as it is intended to; trust me, I know.

Now repeat after me: I am my biggest flex! I know many great people, I have been blessed with many great things, but my best thing is me. And that’s just that on that.

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