Mistakes You Make When Apologizing
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Sharing the blame
“Look what you made me do.” It’s a rather manipulative and abusive phrase, but we’ve all heard it. Somebody did something that hurt us and found a way to suggest that we made them do it. They suggest that we were the architects of our own pain. It’s not fair, but it’s possible you accidentally use the same strategy when apologizing, without realizing it. “Illegitimate apologies place blame on the person who was offended,” Dr. Jackson says. “Bringing up anything the other [person] did or did not do that you feel contributed to the rift in the relationship or strain in the situation places blame on the person who was hurt by your actions. Sincere, mature apologies are ones in which you take responsibility for what occurred.“
