Mistakes You Make When Apologizing
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The wrong motive
Often we apologize because what we did is weighing on our conscience, but not because we genuinely feel bad at the idea of the wronged party being in pain. That’s another time when your ego is taking charge of the apology. “Ego-driven apologies also show up when we apologize to make ourselves, not the other person, feel better and when we focus too much on ourselves and/or feelings and not on the other person or the real or perceived hurt we caused them,” Dr. Jackson explains. “The ego also leads the way when we say ‘I didn’t mean it,’ which is not the same as an apology, or when we start an apology with ‘I’m sorry but.’ Whatever comes after the ‘but’ is usually saying something that will completely negate the entire apology.”
