Ask a Very Smart Brotha: My Best Friend is Dating a Married Man
Dear Walking On Eggshells,
Although I like to play one online and on TV, I’m not a licensed psychologist. (Shocking, aint it?) But, you don’t need a Ph.D. to see that your friend has some serious, serious, serious issues regarding men, and one can only speculate why they exist. Perhaps she has a really bad case of “daddy issues” (Which don’t really exist…but that’s another topic for another day). Perhaps she’s just hopelessly naïve. Perhaps she doesn’t believe she’s worthy of a good man. Perhaps her abusive relationship with her ex-boyfriend damaged her to the point that she can no longer discern between right and wrong.
Either way, her destructive behavior may end up destroying her and the relationships she has with people who care about her. While I want to be very careful not to play the victim blame game, it is a fact that her staying in an abusive relationship resulted in a person’s death, and from the looks of things, she seems to be well on her way to contributing to the demise of something else (the famous cat’s marriage).
I realize that many may not share this sentiment, but in this case I think you have to bite the bullet and say something to her. Perhaps even an intervention where you and other friends/family members confront her at the same time. Let her know that you love her, but don’t mince words when telling her exactly how effed up her decisions have been, and how those decisions have reverberated. Remind her that she’s not the only one being affected by her faultiness, and suggest that she see a therapist. And, if she needs attention that much, buy her a dog, a life sized teddy bear to sleep with, and a vibrator.
If she gets angry and wants to cut you off again, fine. I’d rather lose a friend over doing the right thing for them than stay by their side all the way to hell.
Sincerely,
Damon Young (aka The Champ)
