Ask The Luv Coach: I Lied On My Online Profile and Now My Boo Wants To Cut Things Off

December 20th, 2011 - By MN Editor

"broken trust"

My situation is a bit complicated in that it involves a 1.5 year online long distance relationship where I had lied about my online profile. I told him the truth in September and suffice to say it didn’t go down well. He said about a week after I told him the truth that he doesn’t mind being friends but that there is no chance for us to be more in the future. I am not sure if he said it out of anger/hurt at that time or if he really meant it because even looking at our relationship objectively, he truly was in love with me to the point where he was going on interviews to move to the country that I said I lived in.

We are finally back on talking terms since November but it is very casual and indifferent and that is why I think trying to rebuild trust by way of doing the friends route is not working.

So I was planning on apologizing again but this time focusing on him and making sure that he understands that I have taken these 3 months to really try and understand what he feels. I would like to tell him that I still have feelings for him and hope for a future together but that I understand that trust takes time to be rebuilt and that the decision is his. But I’m not sure if dredging up the past is a good idea either. It’s just that I feel that the situation is urgent because he is slipping away.
-Alice

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  • Latiadixon

    What kind of lie was it cause I feel everybody lies one way or another its really up to each individual to accept what lie was told/people cheat people forgive but if you lie what’s the difference is it trust now that we have to build to forgive and make sure it never happens again its really a lot to think about

  • Cchigbu23

    I want to know what she lied about! It was probably a wopper!

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/V6O2EBOSDDIC3EESW3JS22OYWA Vic

    lmao what makes women , and people in general, think they deserve any type of trust or even friendship after being dishonest. Being physically attractive and genuinely nice just doesn’t cut it. You consciously mess up , you pay the price for being selfish. Grow up.

  • Amija

    Since when is an “online long distance relationship” a relationship?  Come on girl!

    • IceHarvest

      Amija, I am so glad u sed that. I’m sitting here thinking I’m the only idiot in this room wondering y this chick thinks on-line and long distance constitutes “relationship.” like r there no live bodies for this woman to meet n actually have a relationship with? I mean, I guess my definition n her definition of relationship r two different things. Idk, just wondering.

    • 123

      These days, a lot of relationships start like this. I know a couple that dated online for a year, then the guy moved across the country to be with her. They got married and had a daughter. 

  • Kierah

    Dear Alice (in Wonderland),
    You did not just lie on your profile. You perpetuated the lie by convincing the guy to move to your country! You are lucky he speaks to you at all.
    I did lie on my online profile about my name. When I met the person in real life, after emails and phone conversations I told the guy my real name. Everyone could understand the need for caution in the online world. However, I didn’t continue the lie for years.
    If you were truly looking for a relationship online, you should have realized that lying does you a disservice. It’s harder to match with a truly compatible person and if the relationship does take off, you’ll have to deal with the consequences of lying.
    He has already slipped away.

  • http://twitter.com/kekesmith8 keke smith

    well no one likes a liar. so move on, and learn to be honest from now on.

  • habbibi

    Im sure he has lied to you too. move on, it is not that serious.

    • JJ

      Yeah, that a good technique she could use. Instead of address her mistake…shift it to him. Outstanding advice! Not.

      • habbibi

        Who asked you?

        • Cejor001

          Habit, just admit that your reply was childish.  

  • http://www.facebook.com/barbara.codner Barbara Codner

    I wonder what she lied about.  Hmmmmmm……

    • Mrsindependent

      I’m thinking kids. I’ve dated guyz in the past that complain about women lying about being childless especially here in the south. I’m not sure why any woman will lie abt that.

    • IceHarvest

      I’m curious to knw wat she lied about, also. Like did she say that she was 5″9′ n she’s actually like 4″1′. Or mayb she has a kid(s) n sed she didn’t. I hate stories that leave u hanging.

    • 123

      One of the things she lied about was what country she lived in:

      “he truly was in love with me to the point where he was going on interviews to move to the country that I said I lived in.”

  • Jus Sayin’

    its over move on – a valuable lesson learned

    • Mrsindependent

      Co-sign. This is why I’m always honest and make it clear from day 1. if the guy I’m dating lies I can cut him off with no explanation, no second chances and never look back. some people can live with dishonesty not me.

    • N1

      True, if she was lying about that who knows what else she has lied about. There are more people in the world.