If you live in a big city, then you may have noticed this trend in which men don’t grow up. You have 56-year-olds going to work in converse and graphic band T’s, dating 28-year-olds like it’s nothing. I’m in my early thirties, and men in their sixties hit on me all of the time. All of the time. I’m telling you, they don’t think it’s weird. They don’t see what the problem is. All of their friends do it. Something about living in a metropolitan area where people aren’t quite as pressured to marry and have kids by the age of 30 makes a lot of men feel like they are permanently 25. Alright. That’s fine. But what I’m saying is that, if “grown” men aren’t growing up anyways, then why shouldn’t women of a certain age pick from a younger pool of partners? I mean, the maturity levels between that of a 27-year-old and that of a 45-year-old, where I live, are starting to be pretty similar. Why not at least get the perks of the energy, stamina, and hopefulness that a younger man brings? Of course, even if you meet a younger man who is mature enough to be with you, he’ll still have some of those quirks to work out of being, you know, young. I was personally very mature at age 25. But I also forgot to get my teeth cleaned for four years, so. Here are funny moments you’ll have if you date a younger man.
You’ll share a bathroom with the roomie
He’ll have roommates, which means you’ll share the bathroom with them. You’ll be in there, blissfully showering, when one will just wander in, drunk, or half asleep, and just start taking a piss. He’ll assure you it’s fine because, naturally, you were just worried about his comfort level there.
And there will be stomach problems
You’ll go along with it a few times because you want to be laid-back, but this young man will take you to eat at places with C health ratings or that have escaped health inspections for years. He’s on a budget, and it’s what works for him. Plus his young stomach can just handle it better. But not yours, so pack the Pepto.
His boss may be your friend
You may find that his boss, or some authority figure in his life, like his landlord, is a friend of yours. If not a close friend, a peer – an acquaintance. Maybe someone you take a workout class with. Then you learn that she tells your boyfriend what to do, for a living. Oh, and he’s kind of bad at his job. That’s awkward.
He’s dated a friend’s daughter
You might learn through the grapevine or through happenstance that your boyfriend once dated one of your friends’ daughters. Whoops. It’s not that the age difference is that massive between you two, but remember that, young men also date younger women sometimes. So while you’re 42 with a 28-year-old boyfriend, he may have once dated your friend’s 21-year-old daughter. See how that can happen?
You go to a party where your friend’s kid is
Like I said, your guy may hang out with friends younger than himself, and that means that you may find yourself at a party with one of your friends’ children. You may find yourself at a college party! If your boyfriend is in his late twenties, he may have friends who are still wrapping up their undergrad years. And suddenly, you’re 41 at a frat party.
His mail is alarming
You’ve had to learn to look away when you pass his mail pile. There’s a late notice from the credit card company. Some final notice from the IRS. Something with big red letters from his landlord. A very threatening-looking document from his car lender. Yikes.
He may have something you or a friend donated
You may find that he has something that you or a friend donated. A TV stand. A couch. A crockpot. A refrigerator. A microwave. You donated these items to a thrift store because, at your age, with your more refined taste, you found them totally useless. Now they’re sitting in your boyfriend’s place and he is thrilled about his recent find.
They won’t valet
Your young man is not going to valet the car. It’s too expensive. He’s going to circle, for an eternity, to find a spot that’s a 15-minute-walk away, with no consideration for the fact that, while your shoes look amazing, they aren’t built to walk down bumpy, torn up alleyways en route to a swanky bar.
Girls hit on him, assuming you’re his mom
On more than one occasion, women his age or younger than him have slipped him their phone number, right in front of you, assuming you were his mom. Better yet, some asked you if your son was single, and if you’d be okay with them giving him their number. How thoughtful.
The party starts at your bedtime
Your ideas of an appropriate start time for an event are far, far off. You’ve grown accustomed to the 8pm dinners. Fine. You have a snack at 6. But he keeps pushing the limits, wanting to now to go to a party that starts at 10pm. Also, he wants to stop by two parties tonight??? You were barely going to survive 20 minutes at that first party.
You may sleep on the floor
Young guys don’t really appreciate the beauty of a proper bed frame. So you might sleep on a mattress on the floor. You also may wash his sheets secretly, when he’s out running an errand because you doubt he’s ever washed them himself.
You mother his female friends
Sometimes, you have to hang out with his female friends, who are his age, or younger. They see you as a role model. They think you’re fabulous, with your high-end clothes they couldn’t afford. They want to know everything about becoming better women. It’s flattering, but also really makes you feel your age.
He’ll teach you about social media
At one point, he will teach you how to use some social media app or some new technology. And you’ll have this horrifying, parallel universe moment when you remember you teaching your parents how to use technology, in a very similar manner.
You’ll teach him about a Roth IRA
You’ll teach him about Roth IRAs. And 401Ks. And savings accounts. And how to improve his credit score. And probiotics. You’ll promise yourself you won’t, because he’s not your child, but you just can’t remain quiet for much longer as you watch him destroying his financial future.
His friends hit on your friends
His friends see how he got in with you, and then they think that they can hit on your friends. They’ll try to slide their way into a group hang one night, and all, hilariously, with too much confidence, try to get with your friends. Who aren’t having it.