In a welcomed, or unwelcomed, depending on how you look at it, deviation from the painful news cycle of the past two weeks, Internet personality B. Simone has found herself trending over what some have deemed controversial remarks regarding the type of man she will date. In short, he has to have a job, but not a 9-5. The “Wild N’ Out” cast member said she is looking for CEO status, but not necessarily for the reason you might think.
While chatting with Nick Cannon on his radio show “Nick Cannon Mornings,” the 30-year-old self-proclaimed “Manifest Queen” was asked what kind of man she’s looking for, to which she replied: “He can’t have a 9-5….He can be a hustling entrepreneur.”
“So you want CEO status?” Nick asked.
“Yes,” B. Simone said, adding, “He can’t be like clocking in and clocking out. No. I think entrepreneurs should date entrepreneurs…you’re not going to understand my lifestyle. You’re not going to understand why I’m up at 3 am. He has to be an entrepreneur…or moving into that direction.”
I’m not going to lie, after listening to the 47-second clip that caused the self-made entrepreneur to trend, I thought, that’s why y’all mad?
When I look at the backlash to B. Simone’s preference, which she’s entitled to, the main thing I see is projection. Examing the tweet below alone, it appears a lot of people have made the assumption that when B. Simone mentioned wanting someone to understand her lifestyle she meant money. But just a few more seconds of intentional listening would’ve revealed that that’s not what she was talking about at all. If you’re up at 3 am working and your partner has to be up at 6 am to get to his 9-5, there’s going to be a lifestyle conflict based on the noise you’re making and the lights you have on while he’s trying to sleep alone. And that’s a low-level issue. The bigger problems that are borne out of that dynamic are being made to feel like you care about work more than your partner and a general lack of understanding of the sacrifices it takes to run your own business, which often come at the expense of your personal relationships, including romantic ones.
Immediately, I thought about a guy whose lifestyle I tried to acquiesce to a little over a year ago. He was building his own company and truly only made time for me when he could without feeling any sort of way about it. I respected him and actually admired his ambition, but always playing second fiddle didn’t sit well with me. He tried to convince me to wait it out in a sense, explaining he just wanted to reach a certain point and then he would be available for a relationship. I told him drive like his would never go away and he would always be striving for more, because he was capable of doing so. Eventually, I got tired of “I’m still at the office” texts when I wanted to be comforted after my own stressful workdays and, unfortunately, he mistook my frustration for a lack of trust and we parted ways. I understood his lifestyle but I had no interest in tolerating it, and he put his professional goals first, as he should have.
Similarly, while I’m not an entrepreneur, I often find it difficult for men who don’t work in corporate settings to understand or sympathize with my plight. When I talk about the struggles of middle management, particularly against the backdrop of some of the perks my job allows, I’m often made to feel ungrateful as I’m met with “Be thankful you have a job” or “Then why don’t you quit” energy. And as someone who has even gone the struggling comedian/bartender route, let me tell you getting out of bed at 3 am to let someone in the house who won’t wind down for another two hours when you have to be up at 7:30 am is not sustainable. These are the lifestyle struggles I felt B. Simone was speaking to and that’s why my reaction was “I feel you.”
Between “Wild N’ Out,” B.Simone Beauty, B Inspired By B.Simone, and her newest venture, The Bakery, a women-only co-working space in Atlanta, B. has a lot on her plate and, I imagine, little time for a man. She needs a man who not only understands that but also has a lot on his own plate so the little concerns about commitment and time management that pop up now don’t become huge issues down the line. Personally, I feel her, but many don’t. Check out some of the responses to her radio appearance on the next few pages and tell us what you think.