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The U.S. has seen the most job loss since the Great Depression due to COVID-19. Our economy lost over 20 million jobs in April. The unemployment department is so busy that people simply can’t get through—one of my friends resorted to learning Mandarin and calling the Mandarin line just to get ahold of somebody at the unemployment office. And keep in mind that she had to pay for those online Mandarin lessons, while she had no money coming in, just so she could hunt down her unemployment checks. With these types of situations happening, there is a good chance that both you and your partner lost your jobs during this time.
When one person in a couple is unemployed, it’s hard enough on the relationship. The moods in the house can be low. The hope can feel barely there. One person is left trying to uplift the other and cheer their partner on. So what happens when both people are unemployed? Who is supposed to be the cheerleader then? What do you do when you’re both in a bad place?
These are unprecedented times. Don’t be too hard on yourselves if you aren’t 100% proud of the way you behave every moment. You’re facing concerns about money and fears about the futures of your industries. Nobody is going to be their best selves then. You do, however, need to get through it somehow. Here’s how to cope when both you and your partner lost your job to COVID-19.
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Have a positivity vow
Agree to both watch how negative you let yourselves become. Maybe you can keep each other accountable in some way, keeping a tally chart of how many times each of you says something negative about the situation. The loser has to do the other’s chores, or something like that. Saying negative things increases feelings of hopelessness, which is hard on your job search. Vow to keep things positive in the house—at least what you say out loud.
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Sit down and make budgets
Sit down and strategize how you’ll handle money. Maybe you need to start actively subscribing to coupon newsletters for groceries, and plan your menus around what’s on sale. Maybe you need to scale down your Internet plan, and agree to just both work in the same room, near the router, to get good speed. Maybe you’ll cut back on laundry and doing dishes to save water.
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Have dedicated job search hours
Have a certain time each day when you both sit down and look for jobs. Make it a scheduled thing. Doing it together helps make it fun. Meanwhile, saying you’ll “get to it eventually” will probably lead to getting to it never. So hold each other to this time each day.
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And hours you don’t talk about it
Also have times every day when you don’t talk about the situation. Maybe you have a half-hour each night when you sit down, aren’t allowed to talk about unemployment, and instead have to share with each other uplifting or positive stories you heard that day.
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Do one fun thing together every day
Make sure you still have fun together. This is critical to still feeling emotionally close, and if you lose that, you’ll feel especially down. Go for a bike ride. Play a board game. Cook together. FaceTime friends. Paint. Just make sure that you take the time to enjoy your relationship, even in the midst of unemployment.
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Find a new purpose together
Being without work can cause people to feel purposeless. You can feel useless like you aren’t contributing, and that you have no direction. So find a new purpose together. Maybe it’s volunteering at a food bank or doing nice favors for the elderly in your neighborhood or putting on some entertaining live stream for friends each night.
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Socialize how you can
Being without jobs means being without much socialization. You don’t even have Zoom meetings to look forward to, like those working from home do. So make sure you still socialize in the ways you can. That could mean Zoom parties, or playing charades over FaceTime with friends, or meeting neighbors in the driveway for a social distancing drink.
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Cut costs
Sit down and look at ways you can cut costs. Do you really need Hulu, Amazon, HBO, and Netflix? Maybe not. Or maybe you can downsize your subscriptions such that you can only view on one device at a time—you should be watching stuff together, anyways! Can you both give some things up?
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Speak to lenders
Get in touch with your lenders. Student loan companies. Mortgage company. Car loan company. Credit card company. The mattress company you’re still paying off a mattress with. Both of you should call your lenders and convince them to give you some breaks.
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Keep each other to a schedule
It’s important to keep a schedule—some sort of regular structure—even when you don’t have jobs. If you both start sleeping during the day and staying up all night and eating breakfast at 3pm, things will really feel out of control. Make a schedule and stick to it together. Have breakfast and take walks at regular times each day.
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Don’t retreat to your corners
Stay together. You have to emotionally stick together. Don’t go to your separate corners and mope, doing what you want to on your own to get through the depression. Don’t have an “every man for himself” mentality. Check in on each other. Find things you can do to lift your spirits together—not apart.
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Be the cheerleader when you can
You may both be feeling pretty down these days. But on the rare occasion you find yourself feeling positive, use that energy to do something good for the both of you. Do something that will cheer you both up. Maybe it’s as simple as making cookies or organizing a FaceTime call with his best friend for him.
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Look for opportunities for each other
You can be wonderful resources for each other. You’re so lucky to have each other, so be there for each other! Keep an eye out not just for job opportunities for yourself, but also for your partner. Get the word out there of what type of work he’s looking for. Promote each other.
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Sell stuff
Maybe you can sit down and consider some shared items you’re willing to sell. Do you need two TVs? Maybe the one in the bedroom can go, and you can just watch the one in the living room. Do you have some gift cards you got as a couple that you can do without? Make a list of valuable items you’d both be willing to sell for some extra cash right now.
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Take in a roommate
Though this can be a weird time to take in a roommate, if you can verify this person has been quarantining and isn’t sick, this could be a good time to take in a roommate. If you have a spare room—maybe a home office or guest room—renting it out could provide major financial relief.
