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Can you be friends with an ex? I can’t answer that question for you. I don’t know your exact situation. For example, are you actually just friends? Or are you keeping this person nearby, because you hope to get back together one day? Or were too weak/afraid to truly cut the cord? Or, do you just like having this ex around as a rebound between your other relationships? That’s not really a friend then, is it? That relationship is certainly not purely platonic. That’s more of a complicated thing.
If you do just have platonic feelings towards your ex, here’s another question: does he feel the same way? Or does he clearly wish things would become romantic again? If he does then, even though you don’t see him that way, this isn’t a pure friendship, either. A friendship consists of two people who don’t have any sexual or romantic feelings towards each other. But there sure are a lot of exes out there masquerading as friends in public…then sending each other pretty explicit texts later at night. And there are a lot of people pretending they’re just friends with an ex, actually hoping they’ll get back together. That oftens happens if you rush into that friendship.
As for those who really are friends with an ex, you have to remember that this friendship doesn’t just affect the two of you. There are or will be other people in your life—like new romantic partners—who have feelings about that dynamic. And you can’t blame them. Then, there is the simple weirdness of being friends with someone you were once in love with and/or having sex with. That’s never a clean slate, no matter how much you’d like it to be. Here are awkward things that arise when you’re friends with an ex.
Explaining it to every new partner
Every new person you get romantically involved with is going to need to know this friend hanging around is your ex. So you have to explain that to them. And they have to play the game of appearing totally cool about it. Nonetheless, it’s a thing—it’s this factor that you introduce into every new relationship.
