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One of my good friends has been in a long distance relationship for four years and the guy just proposed to her. Your immediate reaction may be “No! Bad idea!” I don’t blame you. Mine sort of was. And, for many individuals in that situation, I probably would say, “Get our while you can!” I’m not a huge proponent of long distance relationships to begin with—proposal or no proposal.
Ideally, you already have a sense of what it’s like to spend your life with someone before legally committing to actually spending your entire life with that person. And, the truth is that being long distance really doesn’t give you the opportunity to experience life together. It gives you the ability to experience some vacation/real life Frankenstein of a situation. But not real life.
So, of course, when two people who have never lived in the same home let alone the same city get engaged, there can be some concerns. That being said, I’ve started to see matters of the heart as less black and white as I’ve gotten older. While a younger me would have said, “There is no way that marriage will last and this is 100% a bad idea,” an older and (hopefully) wiser me lands somewhere in between. Every situation is subjective, and though we are accustomed to thinking long distance=disaster, I’m starting to look at things on a more case-by-case basis. Perhaps this pertains to you or to someone you know. If it’s you, then you have a pretty big decision to make, and you have to make it without the information most couples get first (aka the information that comes with living in the same city). So, should you accept a long/distance proposal?
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How long has it lasted?
Long distance relationships—the bond between the people in them—simply don’t progress at the same rate as same-city relationships. They can’t possibly. There are so many elements to a relationship that are slowed down significantly by the long-distance factor. The best way to get a real sense for compatibility is by living in the same city and seeing each other somewhat regularly, all while juggling regular responsibilities. Long distance couples don’t get that.
