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female friendships complicated

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People get their lives together at different rates. You and your friends may have been maturing and progressing at pretty much the same rate through childhood and college, but when you get out of college and into the real world, you may find a major discrepancy between how quickly you all do (or don’t) get your acts together. Some will sink and some will swim. Of course, the ones who sink will likely (hopefully) find their way to the top again. But suddenly, that equal playing field of college or childhood—when there were no real stakes and where you all felt just as successful as the other—is gone.


One person in the friend group may start her own business that takes off while the other just can’t hold down a job. One may need three roommates to get by while another purchases her own house within five years of graduating undergrad. Things can feel a little weird when the differences are major. You vowed you’d always be friends, no matter what, but money can change things. Sometimes, the issue is that the person who becomes successful leaves the others behind. But sometimes, the fault doesn’t fall on the successful one…



If your friends take longer than you to get on solid footing, their own feelings of insecurity and inadequacy can cause them to do some unfortunate things like take it out on you. There can be some resentment in the friend group. The friends who are still living paycheck to paycheck may, rather than ask you—the successful one—for advice, just make you feel left out or bad for being successful. It’s the one way they take back a little power when they feel powerless. But it isn’t fair to you, whose only crime was working hard and killing the game. So, do your friends make you feel bad for having your life together?


You’re teased for having savings

The very fact that you have a savings account—or any money tucked away at all—draws in the comments like, “Oh well isn’t that nice to get paid enough that you don’t just have to eat ramen noodles and peanut butter to save money each month.” You’re just doing the responsible thing—what did they want you to do with your savings? Blow it?

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