I don’t think there’s anything more attractive than somebody who is comfortable in her own skin. There is no guesswork involved with someone who is comfortable in her skin. You don’t have to worry that she’s hiding her feelings, not telling you when she’s upset, not speaking up about what she wants, or in any way being false. There are no facades. There is no feeling that the interaction is being manipulated in some way. Being comfortable in one’s own skin is really the way to do life, and perhaps should be the ultimate goal in life.
Being comfortable in your skin doesn’t just happen overnight, of course. In fact, it seems that life’s goal for us—perhaps for the first 18 or 25 years—is to throw as many challenges as possible at us, that make us very uncomfortable in our own skin. Youth is kind of a nightmare, am I right? Nobody is comfortable in their own skin, and the way they deal with that is by projecting onto and judging others. It can take decades to release the pain and trauma that comes from that time.
Sometimes therapy, meditation, plenty of self-help books (not too many), and a solo trip across Europe is required before one can undo all of the damage of youth, that makes us feel we shouldn’t be comfortable in our skin. But it’s so worth it. It’s worth it for the main reason that being comfortable in your skin makes every day so much more pleasant. It’s also worth it because it can help you attract the right partner. Here are signs you’re comfortable in your skin, and everyone can see it.
You wear whatever you want
You don’t just wear what’s in style right now, or what you’re told works best for your body type. You don’t feel the need to dress your age, and if you do dress older, it’s not because you feel silly in young clothes but because you seriously just love a good velvet shawl and chunky jewelry and there isn’t a thing anybody can do about it. You wear what makes you feel happy. That’s your requirement for clothing.
Your beauty routine is for you
When you put yourself together, you don’t think of the approval of others. You get ready for you. All you care, is that your appearance reflects who you are inside. But you aren’t worried about people finding you hot or pretty or skinny or sexy or fashionable. You get ready because it’s your way of honoring your personality and showing it to the world.
You can go out with no makeup
Since your look is for you, you also have no problem going out some days with no makeup on, a messy bun, and pajamas. If that’s how you feel that day—if that represents your personality that day—then that’s what you’ll be wearing. You don’t worry that you’ll put off men or receive criticism. If you don’t feel like getting dolled up, you aren’t doing it.
You openly admit your flaws
You know what your flaws are. You’re well aware of your quirks. You don’t try to hide them. You’ll discuss them with anybody. If someone points out one of your flaws, you don’t argue. You don’t become defensive. You can say, “Yup—you’re right.” You in no way claim that you are perfect and you also don’t mind that you’re imperfect.
In fact, you find your flaws hilarious
Actually, you find your flaws to be the greatest source of humor. You love to make fun of yourself. If you mess up and make a fool of yourself, you’ll make a video and post it online. Not only do you find your flaws funny, but you even hope to make others laugh with you, so they can get a little joy. You find a way to turn your flaws into a positive this way.
You laugh at a few gained pounds
You don’t really do much about it if you put on a few pounds. You’re not going to starve yourself or run all day until they come off. You aren’t going to cover up in a tent dress. You’re still going to do and wear and eat what you feel like doing and wearing and eating. You can laugh and say, “Ha well, looks like the holiday cookies got to me!” and move on.
You don’t need approval of those you don’t like
If you learn that someone you don’t like doesn’t like you, that’s fine. You don’t pursue the issue. You don’t have a talk with the person, asking why she doesn’t like you, and trying to get her to change her mind. In fact, you find it a testament to who you are if the people you don’t like, don’t like you back. Good. You’re putting out the ride vibes.
You can apologize
If you do wrong someone, you’ll apologize. You’ll even do this if you accidentally wrong somebody you don’t really like. Fair is fair and even if you don’t typically care for this person’s approval, you will admit when you’ve wronged her. You don’t feel that you lose power by admitting when you’re wrong.
You can also forgive yourself
You can forgive yourself, too. Sometimes you’ll apologize to somebody who won’t forgive you. She won’t let it go. She wants to make you feel bad for a long time. You won’t accept that. That’s on her. You apologized, and you get to return to feeling fine again. If she wants to hold onto the anger, that’s on her. You won’t accept it after you’ve apologized.
You love alone time
You aren’t only okay with alone time—you genuinely enjoy it. You seek it out. You make time for it. You take yourself on dates. You consider yourself to be damn good company. You’d like to just get in touch with yourself from time to time and not listen to anybody else for a few hours. You aren’t afraid of what you’ll find in your mind.
You speak your needs
If someone in your life isn’t meeting your needs, you tell him or her. You don’t let the issue fester. You don’t start passive aggressively letting that person down or making mean comments. You don’t withhold affection and respect, dropping hints, hoping she asks you what’s wrong. You just speak up, so you two can fix the issue, and get back to enjoying the relationship.
You wear your heart on your sleeve
You show your emotions, even to strangers. You don’t overdo it, burdening those who didn’t really ask for your life story. But if someone asks you how you are and you’re not well, you can say, “Eh been better, but it’ll be all good.” You’re an open book. People don’t need to guess what you are feeling.
You don’t feel your emotions make you weak
You don’t feel that it makes you weak to share your emotions with others. Some individuals who are insecure or a bit paranoid always put on a confident and happy front, fearing that if they show their true emotions, people will use those against them. You don’t think about or worry about things like that. You’re an open book and there’s no way somebody could use your feelings against you—you’re comfortable with them.
You’re open about your “odd” hobbies
What are you into? Is it a bit odd? You don’t hide it. You tell people. You’ll show them photos and videos of you doing the thing. You’ll talk to them about it. You’ll invite them to your competition or show or presentation. It’s a part of who you are. Anybody who wants to be in your life can and should take an interest in it.
You talk to strangers
You like meeting new people. You’re friendly and chatty with coffee shop baristas, cashiers, restaurant servers, and taxi drivers. You see any interaction between two people as a chance for those two people to brighten each other’s day. You aren’t afraid of what you’ll reveal or what you’ll find when talking to a new person.