Why You Shouldn’t Write Off A Man With Kids
A friend of mine had a strict no-kids rule when it came to whom she chose to go out with. And now, she’s been happily dating a guy with kids for half a year. “What made you change your mind?” I asked her. She said he was A) very persistent and B) very insistent that his having children would not negatively impact what kind of partner he’d be. It turned out that not only was he telling the truth—being a dad doesn’t negatively impact what kind of partner he is—being a father even positively impacts what kind of partner he is. When women think of dating guys with kids, they just think that they’ll be busy and distracted. They fear there will be drama with the child’s mother, or that the kids will resent a new woman in their dad’s life. But it’s not always like that. Here are reasons you shouldn’t write off a guy with kids.
He may be better at time management
Busy people are actually the best with time management. Single men with few responsibilities can be terrible at time management. They call you on Friday night to see if you want to go to some show the next day and then—whoops—they realize tickets are sold out. They hadn’t even looked into that until that moment. Dads have to be very good at time management. They’re great with logistics. They will make clear plans in advance with you. They have to, in order to make their lives work.
He’s clearly responsible
He is raising children, and child services haven’t taken them away from him, so you know he’s responsible. He fought for custody and won. You won’t have to behave like a mother to him, making him go to doctor’s appointments and convincing him to make smarter financial decisions. He’s a dad. He has to do that for his kids, as it is.
He’s clearly nurturing
He naturally has a nurturing side. He takes care of his kids when they’re sick, comforts them when they’re sad, and is there for them when they’re scared. You won’t be dealing with one of those “uncomfortable with emotions” men here.
Perhaps he’s co-parenting
If he’s co-parenting, then this may not be as big of a time suck as you thought. When good co-parents work together, they each manage to still have lives (like social and romantic lives).
No person is without drama
If you think you’re escaping drama by not dating men with kids, you could be sadly wrong. Every guy will have some drama. An angry ex who is sending you threatening messages. A set of super conservative parents who disapprove of you. At least here, you know what the “drama” is. And it’s contained.
He’ll be ambitious
He has to provide for his family, so he’ll be ambitious. He’ll be an advocate for himself, he’ll be hardworking, and he’ll be on top of his game. He won’t be some lazy dud who you have to convince to ask for a promotion.
You’ve been dating kids
Real talk: you’ve probably been dating a bunch of kids aka boys. If you want to date a grown man, date a dad. He has children, so he doesn’t have the luxury of acting like a child anymore.
You may love his kids
Who knows—you may fall madly in love with his children. You may develop an incredible relationship with them. You may get several major loves in your life (him, and his kids) through this relationship. Your heart could feel very full.
You know he likes children
Hey, you know he likes kids. Whether or not he’ll have more with you one day will be a discussion for another time. But you definitely don’t have a “Doesn’t want a family” type on your hands here.
It’s the wrong non-negotiable
Your non-negotiables should be about character traits, not circumstances. You can’t judge someone entirely by what’s going on in his life. This man with kids may be the most attentive, loving, respectful partner you could ever have. While a single dude could be reckless, bad at communication, and selfish.
He’s done with that partying lifestyle
You know he won’t be out partying all night—he has kids. In fact, if he has a daughter, that has probably made him even more respectful of women, so he really doesn’t like nightclub environments where women get objectified. Having a daughter improves a man like that.
He’ll be so grateful for you
Really, before you, his life was…chaotic, hectic, a blur, busy, all work and no play. He lives for his kids, and he likes that, but you’re like this angel sent from above who reminds him that he still gets to enjoy himself, too. No man will appreciate you like a man with kids.
He’s comfortable with affection
He’ll be so affectionate. He’s gotten comfortable with PDA because of all those snuggles with his kids. He doesn’t put on any airs about being tough and unemotional. He lays it all out there. He’s sweet. He gives tons of loving.
He appreciates his free time with you
He really, truly appreciates his free time with you. He’ll be in the best mood when the kids are with their mom, and you two get to just go to the movies or even go away for the weekend. He has gratitude for simple pleasures like that.
It’s hard enough to meet someone
Hey, if you meet a guy you really click with and can’t stop thinking about, don’t write him off just because he has kids. You never know where that relationship could have gone. And you’re delusional to think you have much control over where things go with other men.