Maintaining the mystery in a relationship is hard. One can only do it for so long. We, as humans, are pretty gross. Come on. You know it’s true. When you have the run of your own home, you do some things that make you consider covering up the camera and microphones on your devices—just in case the government really is watching. It’s not like you’re doing anything illegal but you are, like, squirting whipped cream directly into a jar of peanut butter that you’re eating like yogurt while hanging out on the couch topless wearing a green face mask. And if you live with a partner for a long time, you eventually have to let that peanut butter guzzling, braless freak flag fly. Here are funny ways the mystery dies in long-term relationships.
Hanging out with raccoon eyes
In the beginning, you partner saw you one of two ways: makeup either fully done, or makeup fully—cleanly—removed for that cute, fresh face. Now, you just go in the shower, rub your eyes, get those good raccoon eyes from all that smeared mascara, and walk around the apartment like that for a while before cleaning it off. You may have lunch with your man like that.