I have a girlfriend who is dating a train wreck of a man right now and every time we talk, we spend a good chunk of time analyzing one of their recent fights. The truth is that he is the cause of all of their fights. It is always him who drops the ball, disappoints her in some way, or just has a terrible mood swing that ruins the day. When I talk to my friend, she will fixate on proving that the fight is his fault. But, I tried to point out to her that, in the larger picture, the fact that this toxicity is in her life is, well, her fault. Yes, this guy is problematic. But she chose him. So what does that say? I don’t say this in such blunt language to her, of course. And, I don’t push the issue too much, because I know something else is at play. It’s not like there aren’t good, emotionally stable, solid guys out there. There are plenty of them. She is with a train wreck because she wants to be with the train wreck. If you keep winding up with train wreck men, it’s time to face the fact that you want that. The question is why?
Real chemistry requires patience
Unfortunately, one must achieve a certain level of maturity to be patient enough to find chemistry with a stable person. When you get two stable people together, it isn’t going to necessarily be fireworks and explosive chemistry right out the gates. Both people are pretty calm. It takes more time to unearth that chemistry. If you haven’t reached that level of maturity, you won’t be patient enough to discover the chemistry that can be there with a stable and healthy individual.