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not married yet

Source: Dean Mitchell / Getty

Dating someone for a long time—like the better part of a decade—while not being married creates some funny and interesting dynamics. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly six years. We live together. We spend holidays with one another’s families. He has access to most of my private online accounts (including financial ones) as do I his. We’re pretty linked up—we’re just not married. We don’t want to be married right now. I mean, the truth is, we’ve both said, “Look, if we could just snap our fingers and be husband and wife right now, we would.” But we also don’t necessarily want to miss out on a wedding. But we also don’t want to plan or pay for a wedding right now. We’ve just sort of eased into domestic life together and have almost forgotten about getting married. In fact, many of our friends have now been married for several years. Some have even divorced. And we’re still boyfriend and girlfriend. We’re okay with that. But it creates some funny scenarios.


Saying “My boyfriend” starts to feel weird

I will admit that calling him “my boyfriend” feels funny. He’s so much more than my boyfriend, and “boyfriend” denotes something so playful and light. We do have fun and are playful together. But he’s also my partner who I’ve been through some tough sh*t with. He’s taken care of me when I was sick. We’re each other’s family. There should be some other word for what he is to me, even though he isn’t my husband.

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