Signs His Work Will Always Come First

April 25, 2019  |  
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workaholic husband

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There’s nothing wrong with an ambitious partner. In fact, ambition is one of the things I find most attractive in a man and is a requirement, in fact, for me, in a partner. I equate ambition with passion so a man without ambition is also a man without passion and that is nobody I want to be near. But, to be ambitious only serves us to a certain point. We have to remember that the entire reason we are ambitious is so we can acquire a level of stability so that, from there, we can enjoy the things that really matter like family and relationships. Some men get so caught up in the means to the end that they don’t pause to appreciate the end when they get there. What I mean is that some men don’t even enjoy things like love and family once they have it, and you don’t really want to spend your life with someone like that. Here are early signs his work will always come first.

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He’s often absent-minded

You have to ask him often if he’s listening. He wasn’t. He “Had a lot on his mind” so you have to repeat yourself. You can’t usually get his attention in a conversation without asking him, multiple times, if he’s okay or if he’s listening. His work consumes his mind.

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He’s always late

He is consistently late because of work, even to some pretty important things like when he’s your plus-one to a wedding. He doesn’t do a good job creating boundaries between his work and personal life, so the former always bleeds into the latter.

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And he ducks out early

He also leaves things early all of the time because he needs to get back to work. You always feel like you’re just borrowing him for a little bit, until he returns to his first love—his career. Your friend’s birthday party or your date night is just a short detour he takes from his real life—his work.

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He tells you you’re wrong for being upset

If you get upset with him for the aforementioned things, he tells you that you’re being too sensitive. He tells you that you should understand how important his work is. He immediately becomes defensive rather than apologetic.

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You wait a lot while he’s on the phone

You spend a lot of time sitting around, fiddling your thumbs while he’s on a work call but you were supposed to be hanging out. You’ve often sat alone at a restaurant table while he stepped outside to take a 20-minute work call, and all the staff clearly pitied you.

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You’re alone in the car

When you’re in the car together, he’s on a Bluetooth call constantly for work, or emailing on his phone if someone else is driving. You don’t get to point out things you see out the window—he won’t look up from his phone.

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He steers the calendar around it

He will clearly try to manipulate your plans together to accommodate his work. If he wants to be back from a trip on a certain day because of some networking event he’d like to attend, he makes up some other reason as to why these are the best travel dates. But you know it’s a lie.

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He’s up before you, working

You always wake up alone. He’s up before you, already on the laptop working. When you call him to bed to snuggle, he can’t be bothered. He is in the zone and he doesn’t want to interrupt that.

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He’s up after you, working

You also go to bed alone. He always stays up after you to keep working. Even if you tell him you wish you two could go to bed together, he says he’ll be right there and then he takes hours to come to bed.

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He networks when it’s inappropriate

He can’t resist the urge to network, even when it’s inappropriate, like at a funeral or at a party that’s all about celebrating somebody else.

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You never talk about your work

He doesn’t want to talk about your work. Men who are all about their own work don’t typically love women who are also ambitious and independent. They’d prefer all career talk was geared towards them.

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He’s been very successful very young

He gained success at a very young age. While that is impressive, it is also a sign he will probably be a workaholic. Becoming successful very young can interfere with a person’s chances at learning what really matters in life.

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Look at his parents

If his parents are workaholics who barely make time for each other, then that’s what he believes is “normal.” He may feel that a spouse is just a tool—someone you use to prop you up—rather than a partner.

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He keeps track of his boyfriend efforts

When he does make small efforts, like skipping a work event to make it to something you really want him at, he sings his own praises for a long time. He thinks it’s a huge deal when he’s just a decent boyfriend.

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All his friends are workaholics

If all of his friends are workaholics who neglect their partners, then there’s a good chance he will be, too. People surround themselves with like-minded individuals.

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