Misconceptions About Why Women Cheat

February 8, 2019  |  
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a cheating spouse

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Whether you’re a man, woman, straight, gay, bisexual, married, not married—you name it—being cheated on always hurts. It’s the ultimate betrayal of trust. Most couples never get past it. They try, but getting over it proves too difficult. The one who was cheated on can’t shed the paranoia, or get rid of those traumatizing images in her head (if she caught the cheater in the act). Even couples who do get past it can tell you that it is not easy. Even though women experience the same, full spectrum of emotions and experiences as men do and even though we’ve pretty much accepted by now that women can have just as high a sex drive as men do (if not higher), people are still often shocked when they discover a woman has cheated. If she does cheat, one of the first questions people will ask is, “What did he do to deserve it?” That’s a very different reaction than male cheaters get. Here are misconceptions about why women cheat.

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Women don’t cheat

First off, some people will tell you women don’t cheat. Well, they’ll say that most women don’t cheat and those that do must have super high levels of testosterone, be messed up in the head, and be basically like dudes. That’s not true. Soft, feminine, and emotionally well-adjusted women cheat. Women who have their lives together and don’t have mental instability cheat. Yup—cheaters can walk among you, fellas.

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It’s always emotional

Some believe that if a woman cheats it’s always emotional. The sex is just a physical symptom of the cheating but for women, many believe, it’s all about the emotional side. That’s simply not true. Many women cheat because their partners aren’t satisfying them in bed, or simply don’t want to have sex, and they are sexual creatures too.

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It’s revenge

Women would only cheat for revenge, right? Nope. Sometimes, it’s not about you, dudes. Sometimes she cheats because she wants a certain experience for herself, and she isn’t even thinking about how it will affect her male partner. It can be easier for men to tell themselves the infidelity is about revenge because at least then it’s still about them. But that’s not always the case.

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It’s to get his attention

If a woman cheats, it must be to make her partner jealous right? It must be to elicit some emotion in her partner, right? Mmm. Not quite. Some women really never want their partners to know they cheated, and will go to great lengths to keep it a secret.

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It’s for money

This is some low-hanging fruit but many men believe women just cheat if the person they’re cheating with can provide for them more, financially. Maybe that happens sometimes, but it’s not a primary motive. If it were, that woman would probably just be in a relationship with someone wealthy.

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Women only have affairs

Women only have ongoing affairs, right? They don’t have one-night-stands when they cheat, correct? Um…nope. I think men find some comfort in believing that, even if a woman cheats, she shows some loyalty to the man with whom she’s cheating, at least. But women also have one-offs. Women also cheat, just once, with a man, and never again.

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They cheat with men they know

This is a part of the misconception that cheating is always emotional for women, so naturally they’d cheat with a friend or coworker who knows them well, right? Not necessarily. Women may cheat with a total stranger—never even exchanging names. Perhaps, if they really want to keep it a secret, or even want to disassociate from their own bodies during the cheating, they must sleep with a stranger.

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Women don’t talk about it

Women will typically tell their friends if they’re cheating. They may not be proud of it, but they need to talk it out. They need to confess, and perhaps figure out why they did it. If a woman cheats, her friends eventually know.

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It’s worse when women do it

A lot of people are far more forgiving of male cheaters than female cheaters. “Men are men” they say. Female cheaters are not any worse than male ones. Cheating is bad, no matter who does it. All cheaters should be condemned but, women no more than men.

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It’s some cry for help

Some men, if they discover their partners cheated, believe it’s a cry for help. They take it upon themselves to be a better partner—more attentive, more sexually sensitive and so on. They think it must have been a cry for help. Sometimes, it isn’t. Sometimes women cheat on partners who are perfectly good partners.

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It’s a glitch in their DNA

Cheating is a male thing, right? Nope. Way back when, when humans lived in caves, there was incentive for women to cheat. If they had several cavemen believing the baby was theirs, then they’d have even more men collecting resources for said baby.

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They want their relationship to work

Unfortunately, men, sometimes when a woman cheats, it was the last straw for her. In other words, she was about to break up with you anyways. Not all female cheaters want their relationships to work out. Not all of them want you to suggest couples counseling.

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If they cheat, it’s just once

If a woman cheats, it’s a huge deal, it took a lot for her to get there, and it’s very unlikely the stars would align again in such a way that she would cheat again, right? Mmmm. Not quite. The saying “Once a cheater, always a cheater” may apply to women, too. It may not be an accurate saying at all but if it is, it also applies to women.

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Our trust was betrayed

Perhaps women only cheat because their trust was betrayed, right? Like their partner secretly gambled away all their retirement savings or said he’d take the kid to be baptized and didn’t? Again, sometimes the cheating has nothing to do with getting back at the man in any way. Sometimes it’s about something the woman wants—regardless of how it affects her partner.

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It’s planned

Female cheating can be spontaneous, just like male cheating. If men want to take solace in thinking they’ll see cheating coming from miles away, because the woman will be planning it, I’m sorry, but that’s just not always the case.

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