Signs He’s Controlling

January 10, 2019  |  
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Black man looking out window

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When you’re in a relationship it’s easy to be so clouded by feelings of love that you overlook the red flags alerting you to the fact that something isn’t right. And one of the hardest things for a woman in love to see is when a man’s behavior shows he’s controlling, not caring.

Somewhere along the line, jealousy and possessiveness came to markers of a man’s devotion to a woman, but the truth is those are characteristics of a man who is controlling and will likely become abusive in some form down the line. Some may say there’s a fine line between control and care, but we don’t think the distinction between the two is all that gray. Check out these signs the man you’re dealing with is controlling.

Angry young couple in bedroom need relationship counselor

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African family with adult children drinking champagne. (via Getty)

He Has To Know Your Whereabouts At All Times

It’s sweet when your man checks on you throughout the day because he misses you so much, it’s controlling when he constantly checks on you all day because he has to know where you are at all times.

This is control at its highest level and also speaks to the issues your man has with insecurity and trust. You’re a grown woman and no one should take it upon themselves to keep constant tabs on you.

 

Relationship Problems

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He Always Has Opinions About Your Appearance

When you’re in a relationship it’s natural to want to look your best for your man. However, when your man always has an opinion about your appearance and strongly suggests that you should change things, it’s time to reevaluate the relationship.

He may come across as just wanting you to look good, but what his behavior is really saying is that you should look exactly how he wants you to. It also suggests that you’re not capable of making decisions regarding your own life.

Young black couple paying bills at home

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He Makes Decisions For You Without Asking

This is what your parents did for you when you were not old enough or able to decide things for yourself; it is not, however, what your man should be doing.

You’re an adult and no man (or anyone else for that matter) should feel the need to make decisions for you without your input. To be clear, we’re talking about big decisions, like making large purchases with your shared income or committing you to participate in certain events without asking you first.

Work through the bad and remember the good

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He Gets Angry When You Don’t Do Things His Way

Many of us prefer when we get things our way, however the way you handle yourself when you don’t get your way determines who you are.

If your man absolutely loses it when things don’t go his way, especially as it relates to you and your relationship, not only do you need to be on high alert, but you should also know you are likely dealing with a man with anger issues.

Woman having problems with her relationship

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He Isolates You From Your Family/Friends

One of the classic signs of a controlling man is when he wants all of your time and attention and isolates you from your family and friends.

Sure, when you’re in love you want to spend all of your time together, but your man should never make you feel guilty about spending time with your loved ones. This behavior also means that he wants to keep you from people who recognize his behavior for what it truly is.

 

They're so used to the blame game already

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He’s Jealous Of Any Man/Male Attention In Your Life

When your man loses it when you have any other man in your life or receive any type of positive male attention, you need to quickly step back and reassess your relationship. This is a definite red flag and this type of behavior can only get worse. You should never feel obligated to cut off platonic male relationships — or even male family members — for a partner.

Relationships difficulties

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He Doesn’t Support Anything That Takes Time Away From Him

A man who loves you should be your biggest cheerleader as you strive to achieve your goals and dreams. A controlling man, though, is the exact opposite.

Since he wants to control every aspect of your life, he doesn’t support anything you do that takes time away from him and your relationship. This isn’t what love should be, instead it’s a classic example of wanting to keep you stuck in one place.

Could this be the final straw for our relationship?

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He Undermines Your Goals/Opinions

When a man wants to control you, he makes you feel like nothing you do or say matters as much as what he says or does.

Expressing to your man that you have goals or opinions on things, only for him to diminish or dismiss them, is the way he makes you feel like you’re worse without him. It’s crucial that you don’t let this happen…and that may mean ending the relationship.

Sad African descent couple in park setting after argument.

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He Tells You “You Owe Him”

Doing something from the bottom of your heart means that you’re not looking for constant validation for it or throwing it back in the person’s face to make yourself feel better.

However, this is exactly what a controlling man does. He never misses a chance to remind you that “you owe him” for all of the things he’s done for you. This is supposed to be a relationship, not a match where you’re constantly keeping score.

African American couple having relationship difficulties at home.

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He Regularly Checks Your Texts/Social Media/Email

These days text messages, social media and emails are the primary ways that people use to find out if something is amiss in their relationship, but it’s also a means of control.

You definitely have a controlling man if he regularly checks all of your forms of communication because he doesn’t trust you. The larger issue is that he’s likely incredibly insecure and afraid that someone else will catch your attention and you’ll leave him.

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